Description
SEXPERIMENT
Vision
January 22, 2012
Ed Young
Sex is a simple, three letter word. Yet, the implications of it run far deeper than we often think. To discover those, we need to have the right focus.
In this message, Ed and Lisa Young help us shift our focus from the way we see sex to the way God sees sex. And as we gain God’s vision for sex, we learn how to experience God’s blessings in it.
Transcript
Ed: I’m Ed, this is Lisa, and we’re talking about sex. People get funny when you talk about money, and they get crazy when you talk about sex. And we are talking about Sex. Sex is something that God was not shy to talk about. It’s something that we should not be shy to talk about, especially in church. Church should be the second-best place to hear about sex. Number 1 being the home, #2 being the church. Lisa and I did this thing called a bed-in about a week ago where we spent 24 hours, almost 24 hours, in a bed on top of the roof of Fellowship Church. We received some damage, some skin damage. Also our corneas were burned and I still cannot see like I used to could. Hopefully, though, my eyes will come back. Lisa, though…
Lisa: I’m faring a little bit better but I had my glasses on. And one of the things we have on the agenda this week is to go back to the ophthalmologist, back to the eye doctor, to be tested because it’s very likely that we do have just a little bit of damage. It can probably be corrected but we need to get a vision test.
Ed: That’s right. I’m sure all of us regularly have vision tests. The Bible talks a lot about vision. In fact, if you look in the book of Proverbs, Proverbs 29:18 it says, “Where there is no vision the people perish.” A lot of people use that verse to talk about vision. What is vision? God has a vision for your life. Vision is seeing the unseen. Vision, vision, vision. Yet the last part of that verse is the part that most of us kind of skip over. I like to just hydroplane over that verse. I would say marriages perish where there is no vision. Dating relationships perish where there is no vision. And one of the things about the book that we have talked about now, all over North America, Lisa, is the reality that God has a monstrous vision for our sexuality. The vision is so big and so grand, that should propel us to do what God wants us to do rather than the prohibition. Because for far too long the church has said…. N-n-n-n-n-n-n-no. N-n-n-n-n-n-n-no about sex. God, though, yes, gives us the prohibitions, but the purpose is absolutely stunning.
Lisa: So our goal is for all of us in our dating relationships and in our marriages, to realize the vision that God has for you. To understand that it’s not, that marriage is not just about a ceremony or just about people gathering together with pretty flowers and pretty dresses and all the party and festivities, it’s about the covenant. Marriage is not a contract, it’s a covenant. A contract pretty much says if you do your part, I’ll do my part. A covenant, on the other hand, is 100% my part, 100% my spouse’s part. That’s the covenant. And we have forgotten that when we stood before the minister, the judge, that we made a covenant with our spouse and, more importantly, before God. And that is what you want to understand today to break down a little bit about the vision from that point, forward, that God has for our relationship.
Ed: The Bible also says, speaking of coming together in unity, it says in Ecclesiastes 4:12, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” We are woven together with God. It’s a man and a woman and God. The closer we get to God, it’s like a giant triangle, the closer he will draw us together. And not only that, Lisa, the better the communication, the better the connectedness, the better, even, the sex.
Lisa: So if you’re thinking right now to yourself, wow. My relationship, my dating relationship, my marriage is hanging by a thread, then perhaps you don’t have the cord that God intended you to have. It’s the strength of the husband, the strength of the wife, but God is at the center of it all. And that cord will not be easily broken.
Ed: I remember a couple of years ago a lady flew Lisa and I down to an island, and she had us actually speak to the entire island. Well, the day before I began to speak and Lisa and I began to communicate, she arranged for us to take a snorkeling adventure. And that was pretty interesting because whenever you snorkel you always know, OK, I’m getting in the water with some unique creatures. And the water was crystal clear. That’s what Baptists call it. Methodists would say gin-clear. We looked in the water and one of the first things you’re thinking about is, OK, what can hurt me in the water? Especially sharks. We talked to this guy taking us out and he goes, “There’s no sharks here, mon. Very few sharks here. The sharks are outside the reef.” So that gave us protection, Lisa, in knowing we could snorkel and there were very few sharks to negotiate around.
Lisa: Every once in a while a shark will come in…
Ed: Yeah, but it was cool.
Lisa: … and you have to be on the watch. And that’s what marriage, the vision for marriage, is really three-fold. It’s first for our protection.
Ed: Say protection. I like that.
Lisa: These are not really in order.
Ed: Our protection.
Lisa: Marriage is for our protection.
Ed: Sorry ‘bout that.
Lisa: It’s about oneness, it’s about unity, it’s about that cord where God is in the center of it all. Jesus is the center of it all, as we were saying earlier, and that cord is strong because it provides unity and oneness.
Ed: Do you see the genius of God? See, God has this protective aspect, this covenant, that’s where he wants the greatest intimacy to take place. And that’s why God says, “Hey, I made love for you to make love.” Where? In marriage. And that’s what we’re supposed to do.
Lisa: It’s also for his reflection. The second purpose or vision for marriage is to reflect God in our world. Marriage is the only relationship that’s analogous to God’s relationship to his people. We have talked about this before. It’s a mirror, a reflection of God. We have the opportunity to share God with the world by others looking at our relationship with our spouse. Now for some of us that’s a scary thing because you know that what others see in your relationship with your spouse and your marriage is not something that honors and reflects what God’s purpose is for his relationship between Himself and the church. But it’s intended to be such a relationship that others go, “Wow! That’s what I want.” It should be an attractive thing to the world.
Ed: We should reflect God. Also, too, something deeper about marriage. Marriage is like sex. We think about marriage but probably not deeply enough. When I look into Lisa’s eyes I see reflected back to me Ed at his best, Ed at his worst. So Lisa sees the same thing, Lisa at her best, Lisa at her worst. Thus, a lot of times we see marriage as a disposable entity because we’re seeing the guts, the raw and real of who we are. And we don’t like what we see so we hook up with another model, maybe a younger model, maybe a wealthier model, and we think everything’s hunky dory. Everything’s cool. But after a while we’re dealing with the same crap. Can I talk? Every marriage deals with the same crap! I don’t care if you’re a multibillionaire, I don’t care if you’re on welfare, every marriage… I’ll say it again… deals with the same junk. Those who are successful, Lisa, understand the depth of it.
Lisa: And really, now that Ed and I have been married for 30 years, I would say really past the 12-year mark, we realize that everything we struggled with in those first three to four years of marriage, those were pretty tumultuous years for us. We did not seek counseling before getting married so there were a lot of things that we had to negotiate through in our relationship. So I look now, back on those days, still have the same conflicts about the same stuff that we did in those first three to four years. The difference is who we are now compared to who we are then. It’s just not as big a deal.
Ed: And it’s kinda frustrating, I know, for some of the singles, especially those of us who have been married, you’re like, we’re still gonna revisit this issue over and over and over again? Yes!
Lisa: Yes, you are.
Ed: Yes!
Lisa: You will revisit it but you’re gonna be so much wiser if you could just come through it and realize that in every conflict, in every situation that we face, God is using it to build us up and to take us to a new plane of living, a new level of living. We have conquered certain things but when those issues come back, because basically the issues that you have in marriage are PMS. Power-Money-Sex. Those are the three main issues that most married couples deal with. So as we negotiate through those, God will take us to a higher plane of living, a higher level in our marriage, and they won’t be as big a deal the longer you work through it.
Ed: So what’s God’s vision? It is about our protection, his reflection, and there’s one more. It’s a three-fold vision. Your perfection. God has placed you and me where we are to help shape one another into the kind of people that he desires us to be. Singles, especially, need to understand this and those of us who are married. We need to prepare ourselves for what the next season holds. We were in New York speaking a couple of days ago and we met a young lady with three kids. She was telling us about being single and about us doing this talk. And all these people were in this venue and we were speaking about the sexperiment. And I always ask about the makeup of the audience, etc., who’s gonna be in the audience. He said, “Well, there’s gonna be a lot of singles and a good many people who are married.” And I said, “Well, this book, The Sexperiment, is for married couples but also, there’s a part in every chapter for singles.” And she goes, “Oh. Singles need to hear this probably more than marrieds.” And why did you say that?
Lisa: Because we’re always preparing for the next season of life. God wants to take those of you who are single and prepare you for the next stage of life. Those of you who are married, perhaps don’t have any children, he wants to prepare you for the next season of life. Those with young children, he wants to prepare you for the next season of life. Those of us who have teenagers and older children, he’s preparing us for that next season, the empty nest season, that glorious season of life.
Ed: Amen! Amen! Whoooo! Empty nest! Isn’t it weird, isn’t it weird, that kids are the result of making love, and the result of making love can keep us from making love?
Lisa: That’ll preach. That’ll preach. So it’s a three-fold purpose. Now that last one about us becoming perfected? I know that Ed and I are like every married couple here. The more Ed and I, our relationship progresses, the more patient I become. God refines me and perfects me in my patience. Don’t worry, Ed is more patient, too. We’re more forgiving.
Ed: Yeah, we are.
Lisa: God is taking us and refining us through our relationship, through our frustration, through those things that we celebrate. All of those things, they make us more like Christ. So there’s a purpose behind it, there’s a vision behind our marriage.
Ed: So are you guys pickin’ up what we’re layin’ down? You got it? Clap if you got it. OK. So, we just gave you a quick fly-by of God’s vision for marriage, for our sexuality, for our future.
Lisa: But wherever there’s a vision…
Ed: Don’t miss this…
Lisa: There’s a vision vandal.
Ed: A what?
Lisa: Vision vandal. John 10:10, Jesus says, “I have come that you might have life to the full,” which means he wants us to experience his vision for our lives, his vision for our relationships, his vision for our marriages. But he also says that the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And that is the very thing that we as married couples, as singles, need to be watching out for. 1 Peter 5:8 says this, “Keep a cool head and stay alert. The devil is poised to pounce and would like nothing better than to catch you napping.” The devil is referred to as a roaring lion. Would you ever sleep in front of a lion?
Ed: No.
Lisa: No, not me.
Ed: This October we were in Bloemfontein, South Africa, speaking at a leadership conference. We met a man who is just one of the top lion hunters, lion guides, in the world. I’m not a big hunter but that’s his deal. Anyway, he told us how he was literally attacked by a lion. He said he was hunting with this Russian guy and the Russian guy was a big game hunter and the guy was behind him and he was saying, “OK there’s a lion, a big male.” And he said you never stand and break the horizon line when you’re hunting lions. Well, this Russian guy kinda got nervous and he did like this… the lion turned, and he began to charge. The Russian guy peed in his pants. I’m sorry. Wet himself! And he’s like .. bop-bop-bop! Shooting to the sky! Well, our guide friend …
Lisa: He got one shot off.
Ed: He got one shot when the lion was like 10’ away, BOOM! The lion grabbed him by the leg, grabbed him by his left hand where he had the rifle, picked him up (this guy weighs 250), carried him off into the bush like a rag doll. He was just getting ready to finish him off and the lion collapsed on him. The man had shot him right through the head.
Lisa: Wow, not many people live to tell that a lion attacked them and dragged them into the bush.
Ed: You oughta see the scars this guy had!
Lisa: It was a pretty amazing story.
Ed: Crazy.
Lisa: There are certain things you have to watch out for when you’re hunting a lion. And you have to be aware that the lion, the devil, is ready to pounce on your relationship. He’s ready to pounce on your marriage.
Ed: We don’t live in fear. We don’t pee on ourselves…
Lisa: No… but hey, I’m not gonna mock that Russian because I…
Ed: I’m not mocking him. I’m not hatin’ on him, I’m just saying.
Lisa: I might woulda done the same thing.
Ed: I’d do the same thing. I mean, come on!
Lisa: But let’s be proactive, not napping and sleeping and just thinking everything’s gonna be A-OK. Because when you think everything’s A-OK, that’s when the most dangerous point comes.
Ed: And the devil has a strategy, Lisa, to rip apart, to tear apart, every marriage, every life here. He has a strategy to mess up your sex life and mine.
Lisa: So let’s be proactive. If he’s got a strategy, let’s have God’s strategy, which is always better, and let’s adopt seven successful steps.
Ed: Sex-cessful. How do you like that?
Lisa: Ed’s got all these little words. We want you to succeed….
Ed: Sex-ceed.
Lisa: … in your relationship. Yeah, let’s give the definition.
Ed: Number one: How do you sex-ceed? Have a spouse-centric relationship. A spouse-centric relationship. “But it’s about the kids, and the kids, we need the kids, it’s about the kids. I’m putting my kids on the pedestal, and my kids winning, and my kids and.. oh!” Spouse-centric. I need to orbit my life (I’m the husband/house-band) my life around Lisa. Spouses stay, kids leave. A spouse-centric home.
Lisa: There’s such a temptation, even, to let the career taken #1. To let all the extracurricular activities take #1, but it’s about the husband and wife. And we have to be proactive, awake and alert, in keeping that the main thing. To have a spouse-centric relationship. Number 2: Have regular date nights/mate nights.
Ed: Say it quickly. Date night/mate night. 1-2-3-.. date night/mate night. Again. Date night/mate night.
Lisa: It’s the oasis that helps us stay spouse-centric. Ed and I have been practicing the date night…
Ed: Because if you’re not having that date night/mate night regularly, you’ll want to orbit but then all of a sudden you’ll kind of get off and you’re walking here, you’re walking there. There’s marital drift.
Lisa: Yeah, you’ll have a prey/stray night if you’re not careful.
Ed: That’s right.
Lisa: So we have to keep our spouses #1, keep that treasure chest mentality that they’re the ones that are so valuable to us, and that happens by having that regular time when we come together, connect, enjoy one another’s company. We put the kids to bed early, we have a babysitter…
Ed: Not when they’re ready but when YOU’RE ready.
Lisa: Yeah. You want to know…
Ed: “Well, he’s just not ready.” What?! “Well, she’s just not tired yet.”
Lisa: Figure it out.
Ed: Who’s running the show here?
Lisa: Number 3…
Ed: Number 3.
Lisa: Remember special occasions and keep them holy.
Ed: So you’ll live long in the land that God has given you.
Lisa: This is all about treasuring your spouse. I think it’s very important to remember anniversaries and special occasions. I can remember, and Ed and I both remember, the day that he first called me. The first phone call was May 21, 1976 at approximately 5:30 in the afternoon. Now, I mean that may seem weird to you but that was a real special day for me. And the day that we got married, June 26th, 1982.
Ed: Do you know what song I have on my iPhone, the song that was #1 the week we met. This is really, really gonna date us. Some of you have never heard of Ms. Dianna Ross. She did a song called Love Hangover. You ever heard that? ~~I got the sweetest hangover… I don’t wanna get over! Bom-bom.. yeah… I don’t wanna… bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-ba! Ovah!…~~ I love that song! That was #1 that week.
Lisa: You know what Ed does that’s so cool? There were several songs that were really popular. Silly love songs by Paul McCartney, was a big one.
Ed: Sir Paul.
Lisa: When we go out on our date night a lot of times Ed will have that playing in the car when we go out. I mean, that’s just super cool. So when you have those anniversaries it’s a time to remember your vows. To think about what God has done in your relationship… stop it! I’m talkin’ serious! Anyway, remember those special occasions. And we don’t always celebrate our anniversary on our anniversary. If there’s a conflict, if there’s something that, you know, Ed has to be out of town or has a commitment, you know, we can move it a day or so around that, it’s OK. But make sure. It’s a great time to teach your children about the importance of your marriage and the celebration of your wedding vows.
Ed: You know what’s frustrating? One time I kinda mentored this guy and he had gone through a hard time, a very difficult time in his marriage, and I had talked to him on and on about these issues. And one day I go, “Hey man, today’s your anniversary. What do you have planned?” He goes, “I don’t know.” I said, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” Just like this. “Are you lyin’ to me? You mean all this stuff we’ve been through and you don’t know what you’re gonna do on your anniversary?”
Lisa: That’s not good. I mean, you don’t have to break the bank but make it a time of celebration. Make it a time of celebration.
Ed: And Number 4, Lisa, speak about your spouse (this is a big one) with words of honor. Honor. Wow. Honor.
Lisa: That’s when you’re in the midst of a group and you’re telling a story and you are speaking about your spouse, you don’t want to bring them down. You don’t want to degrade them. You don’t want to poke fun at them or be sarcastic, in order to build yourself up you have to tear them down. You need to speak with words of honor that make them feel as if they are wanted, they’re desired, and that they are special in your life. Words have tremendous impact on one another.
Ed: Yeah, we want to be wanted. Marriage should be a place where we’re wanted. Talk to people who end up messing up and sleeping in the wrong bed. It’s not really about sex. They go, “Well, she just wanted me.” “He just wanted me.” It’s not that you feel that 24/7, marriage should be a place of want. I like to imitate people. Lisa and I joke around a lot, we laugh a lot, but sometimes I can take humor a little bit too far. Tell them what I did the other day.
Lisa: Well, it …
Ed: It was funny at first, but then it got…
Lisa: Let me preface this illustration with: Everyone needs to be able to laugh at themselves. We laugh all the time.
Ed: We take ourselves too seriously and we don’t take God seriously enough.
Lisa: We do joke with one another but when you’re in public, when you’re sharing in public, is where you need to really be careful about how you bring humor at someone else’s expense. So, we were visiting with my mom and sister this week…
Ed: It’s a great thing, too. You know, I think when you’re with your in-laws a 48-hour rule is good. Forty-eight hours. You’re there, everybody’s happy, hugging, you see them at their best, they see you at your best, and then, BOOM! You’re gone. Forty-eight hours. I did not write that in the book but I need to.
Lisa: OK, so anyway, we were having lunch …
Ed: You know I’m right. Everybody’s like, “Man, that guy’s right.”
Lisa: We were having lunch at this…
Ed: ‘Cause things go nuts after 48 hours. I’m telling you, they do. I will bet you money all of your conflicts and all of the problems, after 48 hours is when they happen. Forty-eight hours.
Lisa: Are you ready?
Ed: I’m just tryin’ to keep it real up here.
Lisa: OK, so we were at our favorite place to eat. When we go visit my family in South Carolina we always go to Andy’s Deli. So we were sitting in Andy’s Deli…
Ed: If you’re ever in Columbia, South Carolina, Andy’s Deli, man their sandwiches will make you si-i-i-i-ing halleluiah! Amen! I mean, they’re so good. I’m tellin’ you!
Lisa: It’s not very well kept-up…
Ed: They have this sauce you dip in with the sandwiches. Man, that place, Andy has not changed the décor there really in like 30 years.
Lisa: It still looks the same and that’s not necessarily good.
Ed: It’s like ratty and dirty but it is good.
Lisa: The sandwiches are good. So anyway, we were eating there with part of our family and Ed proceeds to tell a story, which was funny. We laughed at it in private but then he shared it with some of my family. That was about a couple of weeks ago when we were on stage. I was trying to make a point about, I can’t even remember what it was about, but I referred to Ed and I. I said, “You know what? We’re just regular old, blue-blooded Americans.” And I stopped and said, “No, no, Lisa. It’s not blue-blooded Americans. We’re red-blooded Americans.”
Lisa: And I was like, “What is a blue-blooded American?” And he goes, “Well, a blue-blooded American is someone who grows up with a silver spoon in their mouths…
Ed: Which we did not.
Lisa: … they live a more privileged life, whatever. And I said, “Oh no, we’re red-blooded Americans.” Now what you need to know is my entire life I have gotten phrases mixed up. I always do.
Ed: It’s hilarious.
Lisa: But I will still go for it. I figure..
Ed: I go, “Honey, why do you still go for the phrases when you get them backwards almost every time?”
Lisa: No. It’s a 50:50 chance. I’m just gonna try it.
Ed: See, guys, we’ve been dealing with this now for 30 years. Again.
Lisa: I mean, I will say instead of ‘cold as ice’ I’ll say ‘cold as… you know… wood.’ Something like that.
Ed: But you say it with such authority people believe it. They’re like, “That sounds good! Cold as wood!”
Lisa: I didn’t know wood was cold.
Ed: Right.
Lisa: So we’re at this restaurant and he just says that and I kinda laughed it off and whatever. And everybody’s like, “Bahahaha! That’s so funny!” Well, then we go to dinner at my sister’s house. The whole family is there now. And he tells the story again.
Ed: I’ve got a crowd.
Lisa: And they’re all laughing and I’m laughing, like hahahaha.
Ed: Oh yeah.
Lisa: Well, when we got back to my mom’s house, in the privacy of our room, I said, “Honey…”
Ed: I was getting ready to kiss her and she’s like, “Oh just wait one second….”
Lisa: “… we need to clear something up.”
Ed: Blue-blooded Americans?
Lisa: I said, you know, yeah. There’s gonna me some blood on the floor.
Ed: No.
Lisa: No, no, no. But I waited until the privacy of our room. I did not, at dinner, go, “You hurt my feelings!” and storm out. I just let it go. That’s good for two reasons. #1, you are able to confront your spouse or talk to your spouse in private. #2, your temper settles down after time passes and that’s a good thing. So I just shared with him. I said, “Honey, that hurt my feelings. I mean you took two opportunities to talk about a mistake that I made, and I really didn’t mean to. And if you’d really like for me to speak with you again this coming week you really don’t need to do that.”
Ed: “I’m sorry! Will you please forgive me?” I did.
Lisa: Anyway, so speak about your spouse with words of honor.
Ed: Complement them specifically. Complement them. Honor them…
Lisa: Facial expressions, all of that.
Ed: You remember that radio host that we talked with in New York a couple of days ago. That’s one of the things he asked us. He said, “You know what, I bet you and your spouse…” (he’s kind of a shock-jock, too), he goes, “… I bet you and your spouse still look at each other in the eye.” And I go, “Yeah.”
Lisa: That’s important.
Ed: He’s like, “Most married couples don’t.” I thought that was brilliant. And that’s so true, isn’t it?
Lisa: We need to look at each other in the eye, show attention and show that they’re wanted. Number 5, and this is huge. Install a purification system.
Ed: The sexual revolution, most of it was based on basically an illusion, that has given us worldwide pollution. God, though, has a purification system. His vision is so ginormous for everybody here that the vision, his purpose, even supersedes the prohibitions.
Lisa: We were just in a hotel that actually when we checked in had pictures on the wall of very seductive things. There were women, men, scantily-clad photos on the wall. We did not pick this hotel. It was the hotel that the person who was hosting us selected. It was interesting. We got a knock on the door and they said, “This is the facilities team and we need to fix your pictures.” And we’re like, wow. They came in and they flipped the pictures around and then we got to see flowers instead of the scantily-clad people. They actually dual-sided photos…
Ed: Isn’t that hilarious?
Lisa: …. In the hotel room. Now that was amazing.
Ed: R-rated…
Lisa: Yeah, R-rated and G-rated. And so what we did was we also asked that our television, the movie channels and things like that. Those are just filters that you have at your disposal to put through. Ed and I also, just talking about conversations we have with other people, we always want to steer clear of seductive scenarios. We want to keep the conversation… like if you’re out for a business lunch or something like that, keep the conversation about business, not about intimate details about your relationship. That’s very important.
Ed: How about the next one.
Lisa: Number 6.
Ed: We’re not gonna get an ovation here. It’s gonna be very quiet but this is true.
Lisa: Satisfy your spouse sexually.
Ed: The Bible says that. We are to satisfy our spouse sexually. And if you do the research, basically ladies, I’ll just tell you from a man’s perspective, most men need a sexual release about every three days.
Lisa: And the Bible says..
Ed: Man, you can hear a pin drop!
Lisa: … the Bible says .. That study is from Dr. Minirth out at the Minirth Clinic and it’s validated worldwide.
Ed: It’s not like you can count… “OK, it’s day 3!” Jump into that! No, it’s not like that.
Lisa: But what the Bible says…
Ed: I think people come up with numbers and stuff…
Lisa: Exactly. What the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul was speaking to the church in Corinth. The church of Corinth was experiencing some really strange and out of the box, out of God’s box, views of sex. And he said, “Do not deprive one another.” We are facing a situation with marriages today where the divorce rate is so high most divorces happen because someone has slept in the wrong bed. So let’s water our own grass and don’t look on the other side of the fence for a greener lawn. Fertilize. Let it rain on your yard and God, serious. Marriages need to have that excitement and enthusiasm when it comes to sex so that we keep it real.
Ed: And you know, we do look at the greener grass. And sometimes it is a little bit greener on the other side of the fence, but usually it’s around the septic tank. Help me preach. That was good.
Lisa: That’s good. And finally Number 7…
Ed: ‘Cause we have that septic system in our yard and I’m telling you, when it goes off, head for the hills. It’s bad.
Lisa: It’s not so good.
Ed: But it’s real green around there.
Lisa: Yeah, it is.
Ed: I don’t wanna be too gross but that’s a fact.
Lisa: That’s out there. OK, Number 7. Crash through quitting points. Marriage is not based on…
Ed: We’ve had quitting points! Everybody’s had quitting points. You will have quitting points.
Lisa: Marriage is not based on feelings, it’s based on commitment. Yesterday I went to work out and I did not want to work out. As I was putting on my tennis shoes and my workout gear I was like, “I just don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna do this.” Once I got on the elliptical it started kicking in.
Ed: Right.
Lisa: I had to work not from feelings but from the commitment that I had said I’m gonna work out a certain number of times a week. You have to be committed. And then the feelings will follow. In your marriage, don’t rely on your feelings. Crash through the quitting points because the quitting point does not reflect the commitment point. God wants to take your marriage, the vision that he has for your marriage, to greater heights, to new levels, but we have to be willing to do it his way.
Ed: That’s right. I think, too, Lisa, that sometimes guys are too tired for intimacy and we’re kicking back, you know watching Sports Center. And all of a sudden we’ll see LeBron or Dirk do some incredible move or play, and we’re like, “Yay! Wow!! Yeah!” So, you were too tired to have sex, yet you can jump off the bed and freak out when you see LeBron or Dirk do something great.
Lisa: The same is true for women. Often women are like, “Oh honey, I’m too tired.” The phone rings. It’s your girlfriend, somebody you want to talk to… “Oh, I’m doing great! How are you?” You’ve got all the energy in the world but where was that energy for your spouse? We are talking about things that work. Work.
Ed: Work. Work. Work.
Lisa: And God will take your marriages, I’m telling you, to a new dimension.
Ed: That’s right. Well, that’s it. That’s God’s vision. Gods’ vision is bigger and larger than anything the world can throw at us. Think about the three-fold vision. Think about the fact that the enemy himself wants to pounce. He has a strategy to take you out and me out. Yet, if we do what God wants us to do in these practical yet profound principles, we will discover what the sexperiment is all about, and we’ll discover what life is all about, and we’ll discover what God’s dynamic and fantastic future is all about.