MUSCLE CAR MARRIAGE
Choosing the Right Model
September 19-20, 2009
Thank you for purchasing this message. If you would like more information about Fellowship Church’s resources or an Ed Young teaching series, just log onto our web site.
What’s up, Church by the Glades? Man, good to see you today. Man, so glad you’re here. If you’re a newbie, I’m David Hughes, one of the pastors. Welcome to our worship experience. This is the fourth of seven for the weekend. Glad you are with us right now.
If you have your Bible, turn to Genesis chapter 24. Say that with me. Genesis chapter 24. One more time. Genesis chapter 24. If you don’t have your Bible, read this when you get home sometime this week. And we’ve been covering relationships. This is the last installment of the series of talks called Muscle Car Marriage. A lot of talk has been about marriage, the primary target, married people, but I promised our singles one session would be dedicated to them. Now, if you’re married, don’t leave. I actually had a couple walk out last night when I said it was marriage. Somebody got up and left. Look, the number one relationship principle is don’t be selfish, right? Got to listen for other people. And by the way, if you’re married, a lot of these principles will cross the line of marriage, be very valuable and relevant to you today. But I want to talk to singles because, man, it’s weird and wonderful to be a single. If you’re out there dating and trying to navigate the dating waters and the singles scene, perhaps looking for that someone, that can be difficult.
So I want to get a little conversation going. I love dialogue. But I want you to have a little conversation with somebody around you. So right now, eyeball that person. Pick out somebody that’s going to be your conversational neighbor for one question. I want you to tell your neighbor about a date in your past. And wait a minute. Here are the rules. Going to take like 60 seconds, 30 seconds for you, 30 seconds for your neighbor, and I want you to pick one of the dates from your past. Could be your recent past or your distant past. Tell them, A, tell them about your most embarrassing date, or B, tell them about your most memorable date, or C, maybe your most recent date. Now, for some of y’all, embarrassing, memorable, and recent, that’s all the same date. I don’t know. But whatever it is — and by the way, if you are a married person and you pick out memorable or recent, make sure it’s with your spouse. Just a little hint there. Ready? As I begin, go. Find that person right now. Go. Just take 30 seconds. Be brief. My most embarrassing date or my most memorable date, or my date, I had a date last night. It was a disaster or it was wonderful. Go ahead. Just quickly a little discussion about that if you can. Oh, I hear laughter. All right. Ready? Five, four, three, two, one. Okay. Person number one stop. Person number two, go. Number two, go. Quickly. Quickly. That’s good. That’s good. Oh, awesome. Get ready to wrap. Ten, five, four, three, two, one. And in Jesus’ name, shut up. Just shut up right now. Stop right now. Y’all enjoyed that. You enjoyed that. Hey, give a hand for David, our keyboard player. David has done ministry with me for a lot of years. Good friend. And by the way, you know, y’all enjoyed that conversation. If you’re here and you’re a single brother and you happen to be sitting next to a beautiful single woman you didn’t know, I gave you a slam dunk opportunity right there. You should have said, oh, let me tell you about my most memorable date. It will be perhaps with you on Friday night. You could have worked that. You had a chance to kind of bust out a move there. So if you missed that moment, wow, sorry about that, bro.
I want to talk to singles today. It’s wonderful to be a single. But if you’re someone and you’re looking for someone else, there is a Biblical call and gifting towards singleness. The apostle Paul celebrated his singleness. He said for me, it was a preferable state. He said I’m free to serve God 24/7. Because if you are a married person, as much as you want to please and serve the Lord, you’re also taking care of your spouse and maybe meeting needs of children. And that is a beautiful distraction. So if you’re single, you’re not a second-class spiritual citizen. The Bible esteems that relational status. And there is a gifting to life-long singleness. Now, maybe you’re here and you’re single, going oh, I hope I don’t have that gifting, because I’d like to be married someday. And that’s cool, too. The Bible values and esteems marriage. So if you are single looking for that someone, you’re trying to date and figure out dating, and it might seem like the Bible’s not very helpful because they did not date or court as we do today in our culture.
Marriages were arranged back in the Biblical time. But in Genesis chapter 24, thank you, Genesis chapter 24, we’re going to see God kind of hook up, get together in marriage this amazing single man, Isaac, with this wonderful, brilliant, single woman, Rebekah. Now, it’s not easy. There’s going to be an arduous journey, a little mystery. I mean, it’s not easy to find the right person. In fact, Genesis 24 is a long chapter. God makes the whole universe, Genesis chapter 1, only 31 verses. But to get just one single man with the right single girl takes 67 verses in Genesis 24. It’s not even easy for God. But I want to give you some hints and some help if you’re looking for that special someone in your life.
In fact, we’re using, if you’re new, kind of car metaphors and car parables, and I would kind of use this idea or this image for you. I like to buy cars at dealerships that haggle. I like the ones that the sticker price is not the real price they’ll sell it for. And some of y’all hate that. You disdain that. You want one of those dealerships the price on the window is the price of the car, you just go in and figure out if you can — I know I like the one where they put you in that little cubicle for hours, and you’re sweating and you’re going back and forth, and they walk out, I’ve got to run this by the manager, you’re calculating. I love to come in, too, with all kinds of homework, do all kinds of research online, talk to buddies in the business, find out what that car should really go for. I mean, I like to come in prepared. Because if you walk into a dealership without doing your homework, without thinking it through, make an impulse buy, you’re going to get jacked. In fact, only one time in my life, I was so frustrated with my present car because it broke down a couple of times. Man, I just drove on to a dealership, said I want to trade this, get something new. And in like one hour I bought a car. I called Lisa, honey, I’m going to buy this car. No doubt, I got the worst deal I ever got on a car. That sales guy was drooling as he understood the dynamic taking place, because I really hadn’t thought it through, it was just kind of impulsive. That one’s flashy and new. I’ll buy that one right there. I got messed over probably. Now, if you do dating that way, choose a spouse that way, just being impulsive and emotional, not thinking it through, not taking it before the Lord, you may get jacked. You may want to exchange that model, and you can’t do that.
So the topic today is how to find the right model. What are the things I should be doing, thinking about as I’m looking for that special someone in my life? What should I do? Genesis 24 is the text. And I’m going to give you several ideas. And if you’re single or know someone single, write these down. Here’s number one. Here’s the first thing you should be thinking about. If I’m looking for someone, I want to make sure the big, honking, important stuff in life, I’ve got that in common. The big, honking, important things, I have those things in common with that person that I’m connecting with. Because I meet singles all the time that will say to me, oh, you know, David, I met this great girl, she’s awesome, we have so much in common. We both like John Mayer, Mexican food, and The Office. We have so much in common. And I’m like well, that’s great and everything, but those are little things in common. How about the big things? Do you share a common life philosophy? Do you share the same values? Are you moving the same direction? Do you have the same world view? Do you share faith? Do you have the all-important commonality of Christ commitment in your life? Are you in love with Jesus? Is he or she in love with Jesus? Is that like centric to your relationship? Do you have that in common? No, but we both like Mexican food and the Marlins. That’s not so important.
Now, see, back in this day, parents got very involved in finding the right person. So Isaac’s father is Abraham, that holy hero. So look what happens in Genesis chapter — _>> 24. _>> Genesis 24, first verses. It says, “Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the Lord had blessed him in every way.” Isn’t God good? “And he said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but go to my country and to my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.” Now, interesting thing he says, because he lived in Canaan. His neighbors were Canaanites. He said look, servant, I want you to help find the right bride for my dear son, the child of promise, Isaac, but don’t get one of the girls from the hood here. Not one of the neighborhood girls. Now, he’s not being racist or prejudiced. He didn’t hate the Canaanites. He lived among the Canaanites. In fact, there were many good reasons he probably should have recommended that Isaac marry a local girl, a Canaanite girl. Why? Well, logistics would be easier. You know, extended family was a very big deal back in the day. Her family would be close by to maintain family connections. More importantly, in the mind set of this time in this day in this passage, business contracts were often solidified by marriage. Treaties were solidified by way of marriage or ratified. And so if he would marry a local girl, that would improve his standing in the community, probably be great financial and business opportunity there. But rather than do the convenient thing, the comfortable thing, the cash thing to make more money, he said no Canaanites. The reason why, the Canaanites were despicable people spiritually speaking. They worshipped idols, pagan deities. They would even sacrifice their own children to these demonic deities. He said no, no, no. No Canaanite for my boy. I want a girl at home that shares his love for Jehovah God. You’ve got to have that most important thing, right? That most important thing.
So maybe right now and you’re a single Christian girl and you’re dating this guy, he’s not a believer, you’re saying well, he’s not a believer, but he’s not that bad. I don’t think he’s ever like sacrificed a baby to an idol. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy. Well, the bar is very high for Christian singles on this issue of what you have in common. If you miss every other verse I talk about today, do not miss 2 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 14. It’s kind of a life principle among who and what you align yourself with. It’s broad, but here’s what it said. Read the part that’s highlighted. “Do not be bound together with unbelievers.” Here Paul’s saying to believers, man, don’t be bound together. The original translation means unevenly yoked, like a yoke of oxen. Don’t be bound together. Don’t be in tight alignment with people who don’t have the commonality of your faith. Now, what would constitute a relationship where you are bound or yoked together? Obviously, marriage, obviously, engagement. Well, Pastor David, can a Christian ever casually date a non-Christian, casually date them? I don’t know. You’ve got to wrap your heart around this verse. You see what God’s saying to you.
But here’s a 411, singles. You do tend to marry someone you date. And I have found when I started to date someone and start to fall for someone and have feelings for someone, when you start to feel loved, you get really stupid, don’t you? Your judgment goes out the — come on. Be honest. Your judgment goes out the window when the emotions ramp up. So be very careful. Man, make sure you have the commonality of Christ.
First thing I would recommend, you have the big, honking, important things in common. Check that off, yes or no. Second thing you should do, you should pray. You should pray. God, I’m looking for someone, God, I need your assistance because it’s hard out there to find that right man, that right — I need your help with this. One of the first things his servant does, he prays. You should pray, because dating is hard. Need all the outside help you can get. Some people ask me is it okay to use an online dating service for assistance? Sure, it is. Absolutely. But start with what I want to call theharmony.com. You with me? Some of y’all will find that very funny tomorrow. You think about that for a little while. Bring God into the process right here. Theharmony.com.
Look in verse 12, what the servant does. “Then he prayed, oh Lord, God of my master Abraham, give me success today.” I love the heart of the servant that says oh, this is a big thing to my master Abraham, who’s been so kind to me. You favored him, God. He’s trusted me with helping to find the right woman for Isaac, his dear son. So God, now I need your help. I need outside help on this. I invite you into this very important process. Why would you not pray about these things, be diligent in prayer, seek God on these things? In James chapter 4, it says you have not because you ask not. So make sure you’re asking God for his help. So okay, all right. Pastor David, so I’m a single, I’ll pray, I’ll pray and ask God’s assistance. I’m a single sister, so I’m going to stay right here in my living room and crochet and pray and crochet and pray and crochet and pray and hope God will just drop that righteous man into my life. Or maybe I’m a single brother. I’m going to pray, Pastor David. I’m going to pray that God bring me a single, godly woman. I’m going to stay right here in my momma’s basement and play video games and pray and pray and pray, oh, God, please drop that woman into my life. Well, let me give you something a little more proactive than that. The Bible talks about watch and pray. Jesus said to watch and pray. So not just pray, but then look for God’s person. In fact, read that with me. One, two, three. Look for God’s person. It’s an active praying. It’s a proactive process. I’m asking God, and then I want to put myself in environments actively where perhaps I might meet this person.
I love in verse 10 in this story. The servant, he journeys 400 miles. He goes all the way — 400 miles by camel back, about a three-week journey just to put himself in a new environment, not in Canaanite country, but a new environment where his odds of finding that right woman would be ramped up. See, he simply said I’m going to start with the ladies. Some of y’all are looking in the wrong places. I want you to look, ladies. I want you to look. Single girls, I want you to look. I want you to go on what I call a man scan. A man scan. But you’ve got to be in the right environment.
Example, my beautiful wife Lisa’s on the front row. I met her while I was serving, not just showing up even, but serving in a singles ministry at a church. I was serving in that ministry, I was involved. Now, I was there first and foremost for God. I was there to honor God, to learn about God, to serve God, right. But while I was there serving God, number one priority, I had my eyes open a little bit. I was just looking around. And one day a beautiful brunette kind of — I thought, hmm, that’s a beautiful — maybe I could pray with her, right? Ministry with her, right? So a man scan. Be open, but you must be in the right environment, single person. Single brother, I want to dial this down as carefully as I can. You’re probably not going to find that godly, righteous woman at Hooters. I could be wrong, but probably not. Must put yourself in environments, you must journey to environments where you’re more likely to find that person. So ladies, put yourself in that environment. Be part of our single adult ministry on Saturday night or volunteer or serve in a ministry at the church. Do it first and foremost for God, but have your eyes open. Never know what God might bring your way. Some of you are looking in the wrong places. And I’m just going to be really up in your face honest today, okay?
Some of you are not just in the wrong places, you’re also looking for the wrong kind of guy. You just gravitate towards toxic guys. You’ve got this thing for the dangerous guy. You’ve got this thing for bad boys. Oh, I like the bad boys. I like the dark, mysterious, dangerous, bad boys. I track towards — I can’t help it. I know I shouldn’t, but I just like that dangerous guy. Now again, I want you to be honest today. In fact, I want to give you a little quiz to see whether or not you gravitate towards bad boys.
Let me ask you a series of questions. Based on your answer, no need to answer out loud, I can tell whether or not you kind of have this thing for bad boys. Like one, who do you find the sexiest? A, Colin Farrell, B, Leonardo DiCaprio, C, Hugh Grant, D Homer Simpson? If you say A, Colin Farrell, kind of a bad boy, kind of dark. You might gravitate towards these dangerous, difficult guys. Here’s another one. Who’s the most appealing? A guy walking a puppy, a guy holding a baby, a guy holding a guitar? Oh, yeah. If it’s C, if it’s C, now, our guys that hold guitars, they’re good guys. They’re good guys. One’s even single, right? I’m not knocking musicians, but you may have a thing, that kind of bad boy.
Now, this one will really tell me, right? Who would you spend the entire day thinking about? A, a guy who calls you constantly, B, a guy who brought you flowers, C, a guy who hasn’t called you back, or D, a guy voted most likely to get arrested? If you said C or D, you’re tracking towards the bad boys. This will definitely tell me. Ready? Final question is would you go out with a guy with a bad reputation? A, yes, B, no, C, depends on how hot he is. If you said A or C, you track towards the bad boys. And listen, I get that thing. We all like the rebel, the out of bounds. But I’m here to speak truth to you. The reason you’re so frustrated in relationships is bad boys tend to make bad choices and tend to be bad boyfriends, bad fiances, and typically bad husbands. It’s because part of that bad boy vibe is they’re narcissistic, they’re self-centered, it’s all about them, they’re difficult and aloof, and there’s something about that aloofness that appeals to you, and it’s toxic. I mean, stay away from the bad boys. It’s probably going to make for a bad relationship and a bad marriage. I’m just saying.
Now, I’ve made some single sisters sad. She’s like oh, but I like them, but I know I shouldn’t like them. I like the bad boys, but I should do what God wants me to do. I should be looking for that Christian guy, that dull, domesticated Christian guy, that guy with the big Bible, that kind of anemic guy, that churchy guy. I know that’s what God has for me, so God, I’ll just — where is your boring man, oh God? No, no, no, no, no, no. If there’s one myth I seek to crucify, it’s the myth of the dull Christian man. That somehow, to be a Christian sucks all the testosterone out of life, that a Christian guy is this weak, wussy, wimpy, weeny kind of man. Oh, I love Jesus so much. No, that’s not what I means to be a man of God. That is a myth. That is not authentic.
I cannot wait for the series Epic. Because during Epic that starts in October, we’re going to study epic heroes, primarily men of God. They were warriors, they were righteous risk takers, they built kingdoms, they took down giants. I mean, God’s men, read your Bible, were men. And again, talking truth today, there is kind of a manliness scale. There’s some men that, men, some men that are kind of men, right? Right? If you equate being spiritual — all right. I’m just going to say it.
There’s a Chuck scale, a Chuck scale of manliness. My theory, Chuck scale. On the really manly side, we have Chuck. Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is a man. When Chuck does push-ups, the earth moves beneath him, right? Chuck is a man. He’s high on the manly scale. Chuck Norris. But on the other end of the continuum I call the Chuck scale, we have Chuck Norris here, we have Chuck E. Cheese over here. Not even truly a man. Kind of a mouse. Kind of a little squirrelly guy, right? Now, all men fall somewhere between Chuck Norris and Chuck E. Cheese. You fall somewhere on the Chuck scale. You doubt me? May I demonstrate? Mr. T. Mr. T. Oh, he’s tracking towards the Chuck Norris side. Mr. T is on this side of the Chuck scale. Mr. T. Mr. Rogers, he’s a nice man and everything, but he’s definitely towards the Chuck E. Cheese side, right? I can keep going. John Wayne. John Wayne, he’s a man. Oh, I love John Wayne. John Wayne, Chuck Norris side. John Wayne, The Duke. Jon Gosselin, the dork. Now, he’s way over here on this side. Not taking care of his family, not honoring vows. I’m just saying, my opinion. My opinion. Oh, I can keep going all day long. Kimbo. Kimbo Slice. He’s a man. Don’t mess with Kimbo. Street fighter. He’s a rough guy. Kimbo. He’s a man. Chuck Norris. Kimbo. Kimbo. On the other hand, Kimbo, Kanye, picking on little girls in public, being mean to teenagers, that’s kind of mousy. That’s a Chuck E. Cheese thing in my opinion. My opinion. Now, if I just made you mad, you can e-mail me at pastordavidhughesdoesntcare.com, all right? I’m just saying.
So if you think, if you think to be a man is somehow to be mousy, to be a godly man is to be kind of anemic and weak, no. In fact, I hate how Hollywood always would cast Jesus in the movies of a generation ago. Anytime they did a Jesus movie, they picked the most anemic, just kind of down dude with zero charisma. I mean, Jesus, children gravitated towards Jesus. Jesus was a man, he was a carpenter, he was physical, pre Black & Decker, by the way. Jesus, when he saw villains robbing people in his father’s holy house, he dispensed them with violence. He was a man. Jesus was a man. Be a man like Jesus. Church, man up. See, our series about married men. Married men, we’re called to be what? Warriors for our family. Not warriors in our family, warriors for our family. To protect and provide for our family. The men of God should be men. Wait for Epic. We’re going to talk about it. So man up. Man up. So you think God has some wussy, weeny man, oh, welcome to Church by the Glades.
In fact, you know what God wants you to be, gentlemen? Wants you to be a godly bad A. I don’t know what you you’re thinking. I mean a godly bad Abe. A godly bad Abe. I’m not sure what you were thinking. A godly bad Abe. Abe. Like Abraham in the story. I don’t know what you were thinking. Abraham. Abraham. What were you thinking there? Get your mind out of the gutter. Abraham. Abraham was a bad dude. Abraham heard the call of a God he never met before, he left his ancestral home, and people never did that. He journeyed to a distant country, he put down roots, he built fame and fortune. He was a warrior with a personal army. Talk about bad? He’s fathering babies at age 100. Gentleman, you be a bad Abe. You be a bad Abe. Turn to another man in the room right now, brothers, and say you be a bad Abe. You be a bad godly Abe in Jesus’ name. Right? No wusses, no weenies. God doesn’t have that in mind.
But some of you girls, listen. You’re tracking for the wrong kind of guy. Tracking for some godless guy who pulls you away from your God. They’re difficult, they’re aloof, you have one bad relationship after another. Be smart. By the way, brothers, when you get to verse 22 as you read Genesis chapter 24, you’re going to see that the servant representing Isaac, when he finds the beautiful Rebekah, gives her gifts, gives her gold for her family and for her father and mother, gives her a little gold ring for her nose. She’s impressed by this, not because she’s materialistic. When she receives these gifts, you know what she’s thinking? Oh, my goodness. Isaac must have a job. Isaac must have a job. He must be gainfully employed. He has income. He has savings. He must have a life plan cooking, this Isaac guy. Listen, things like that and having a job, having the income, having your car paid off. Those things are drop-dead sexy for a brilliant woman, guys. The women are applauding there. So men, I’m not trying to bust on you. But some of you guys, your relationships fall apart because you’re just not serious about building your life, pursuing your career, trying to put some money aside, preparing yourself for marriage.
I’ll just be Biblical. Genesis chapter 2, before God gave Adam a wife, God gave Adam a job, to care for the garden. So get your life going, then God’s going to meet that person. So ladies, again, I’m not telling you to be aggressive, but eyes open. Little man scan going on. Now, gentlemen, I think based on this narrative, I think we are the pursuers in a relationship. Not the stalkers, but the pursuers. And I think if you’re here and you’re a Christian single guy, you should go on what I call a holy hottie hunt. A holy hottie hunt. That’s what’s happening here, man. They go 400 miles, travel, looking for a godly woman. A godly woman is worth a little drama and difficulty in your life. Go on a holy hottie hunt. Man, there’s a sanctified sweetie safari happening in this story. And you go looking for that lady, look for that godly woman. And as finally after three weeks travel over arid regions the servant arrives at an oasis, and he’s there by a well, and he’s saying God, I want to find the right girl. Help me connect and find the right girl. And he spots Rebekah. I love the way the Bible describes Rebekah. It says in verse 16, “The girl was very beautiful, and a virgin.” Attractive and pure. And this caught his eye. Well, that was cool. And man, it’s just a great story. So I think you have your eyes open, you look for this girl, this beautiful girl, this girl who’s pure of heart. By the way, as you’re looking, look for men and women. Look carefully.
A lot of people have issues they hide at first. I found a lot of marital problems are just personal problems with someone else in the room. Let me say it this way. When you’re single and you’re dating, check for the junk in the trunk. Check for the junk in the trunk. Check for the stuff. You’ve got to date them for a while. Got to watch them for a while. Don’t move too fast. Again, let me show you kind of a funny verse.
If you drop down to verse 21, it says, “Without saying a word, the man watched her closely.” Now, you can get arrested for this. Be careful how much you do this. But he observed her for a while, checked out her character for a while. This is so incredibly important, because sometimes we just move so fast in relationships. Some of you guys that are older, maybe you’re single again or single again and again. You meet someone, a couple of weeks into the relationship, you want to get married. I’ve met this great person. David, I want to get married. This person’s awesome. Known each other for two weeks. And you always have some story about your grandparents only knew each other ten days, been married like a hundred years. Look, there is no way you know that person in two weeks. There’s no way they know you. I’m not telling you to move slowly. Just don’t move too fast.
Now, speaking of moving slowly, some of you singles move too slowly. I’m not saying this if you’re 16, but if you’re 36 and you say oh, I’ve been dating them for ten years now, we got engaged back in 1983, we haven’t set a date yet. You need to figure it out. You’re moving too slowly. But check for the junk in the trunk. Kind of busted on the single girls for liking the bad boys. How about you single brothers, some of y’all like the difficult divas. You like to chase a challenge. You fixate on the flaky girl, right? Where’s that flaky chick? You fixate on her, and you’re like, oh, I like the challenging women. I like that woman that gives me — you don’t want to marry a challenge. It’s cool Rebekah was pretty. That’s not so important. I like as the servant watched her, he prayed this to God. God, look, I want to make sure I find the right girl, a girl of good character. And so God, I need your help. I don’t want to test you, but I have faith you can do this, God. I’m going to walk to this well, and I’m going to say I’m thirsty. If one of these lovely girls will say, hey, I’ll get you a drink, that shows me she’s kind. But to show me this is your woman, as you read chapter 24, he prays this, I pray that that girl offers me a drink would not just offer me a drink, she’d offer to water my camels, too. You go what’s the big deal with that? Well, a camel that had been traveling in the desert could consume 40 gallons of water. He had 10 camels. So any woman with a heart to take a small, little pitcher and go into a well and bring out 400 gallons of water, it says a lot about her character. Says she’s not selfish, says she has a servant’s heart. So as he watched her, it wasn’t just she’s beautiful. Oh, that’s great, she’s beautiful. She has character. She’s not self-absorbed, she’s kind, she’s a hard worker, vital. I mean, I want to find someone with a servant’s heart. I want to be someone in marriage with a servant’s heart.
James Dobson makes kind of an obvious observation. He says there are two different kinds of people in the world, givers and takers. Amen? Givers and takers. Says now, when a giver marries a taker, at first, it’s great. First it’s awesome because the giver is just giving all the time, the taker is just taking all the time. But eventually, that giver gets all worn out.