Men and Women: Part 4 – 4 Times a Lady – Part 1: Transcript & Outline


Men and Women: Part 4 – 4 Times a Lady – Part 1: Transcript & Outline



Four Times A Lady – Part I

Ed and Lisa Young

April 21, 2002

Lisa:    As Rob Johnson said earlier, we are continuing the series Men and Women here at Fellowship Church.  We began to look at the lives of men and the stamps that God has placed on their lives.  We saw over the past two weeks that God has stamped men uniquely with the stamps of initiative, risk, competition and loyalty.

But today, it’s time for the women.  I don’t know about you but I am very excited about that.  I look around this auditorium today and I see a lot of beautiful women who range in different age categories to different stages in life.  We are here to celebrate that fact.

As we have done our research and studied for the past several weeks, we have looked at a lot of books about men and women and one thing is for sure.  There are many more books written about women than men.  The fact of the matter is, ladies, we are complicated.  It’s a fact.  Complicated tends to be a negative sort of word.  When I first heard that, I thought I don’t like the sound of that.  So instead of complicated, could we not say intricate?  That’s a much prettier word.

When you think about a beautiful painting, it is much more valuable the more intricacies the artist gives it.  A tapestry finely woven with beautiful threads is more valuable the more intricate the detail.

So you see, whether you use the term complicated or intricate, it’s very much a beautiful thing.  We are also as women multifaceted.  I especially like this description because when you mention the word “facets” something comes to mind, diamonds.  Gentlemen, diamonds are still a girl’s best friend, if you needed to be reminded of that.  We are multifaceted.

Did you know that the more facets a diamond has, the greater its brilliance?  The greater facets a woman has, the more brilliant she becomes.  I am not speaking of brilliance in terms of smarts.  I’m talking about brilliance in terms of what God has placed in her to shine in this world.

God has created us intricately and he has made us multifaceted.  Today is the day that we are going to look at two of the stamps that he has placed on our lives and we are going to celebrate all that he has done for us and through us.

Just so I won’t be one-sided on this matter, I’ve decided to give the stage up to my husband, Ed Young, who is going to join me so we can be fair in our discussion of talking about women.  Thanks, Ed, for joining me.

Ed:  Thank you, Lisa.  You know, one of the things that Lisa and I like to do is to lift weights together.  We work out in a little gym in Grapevine.  About a month and a half ago, I was talking to a friend who is in our student ministry here at Fellowship.  The guy is about 17 or 18 years of age.  His name is Adam Marr.  Adam was asking me, “Ed, what is the next series that you are going to do?  What are you going to talk about?”

I said, “Adam, we are doing a series called Men and Women.  We are going to see what the Bible says about how to be a true man or woman.”

He said, “That will be great.  I’m looking forward to it.”

I said, “Thank you, Adam.”

Then he said, “Ed, do you mind if I give you some advice about women?”

Here I am looking at this guy who is about 17 years of age, a senior at Grapevine High School and I said, “Yes, Adam, I am all ears.  Give me some advice about women.”

Adam says, “Okay, Ed, here it is.  Remember this, Ed.  A woman is like a labyrinth.”

I said, “What’s a labyrinth?”

He said, “A maze.  A woman is complex.”

Now Adam is brilliant beyond his years, isn’t he?  He already has realized that women are like a maze.  Lisa and I began to talk about and research this whole idea of a labyrinth and we found out that a labyrinth dates back to Egyptian times.  For you to negotiate this maze, you had to pray.  I thought that is a relevant point, because, men, if we are going to understand women, we are going to need a lot of prayer in doing so.

Lisa:  I tend to think that we need to focus on that multifaceted brilliance sort of thing, instead of the maze.

Ed:  The Bible talks a lot about men and women.  I’m going to go back to a Verse that has really enlightened a lot of people concerning their masculinity and femininity.  It’s found in the book of Genesis, the first book in the Bible, Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in his own image.  In the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them.”

That is a classic Verse because God, when he made man, stamped his masculine character qualities on a man’s soul, as Lisa talked about earlier.  When God made woman, he stamped his feminine character qualities on the soul of a woman.  If I am going to be the kind of man I should become, I shouldn’t look to what the world says.  I should look to what God says.  If Lisa is going to be the kind of woman that she needs to be, she shouldn’t look at Cosmo or Glamour or the Hollywood group.  She needs to look at what God says because God has revealed his character through men and women.

A couple of weeks ago, Lisa, I did something that I thought was kind of humorous.  I read a list of seven things you will never hear from your husband.  I want to reVerse that and give you seven things you will never hear from your wife, men.

Right quick, these are seven things you will never hear from your wife.  Seven statements she will never make.

Lisa:  You did not make these up.

Ed:  No, I did not make these up.  I got these off the World Wide Web, so you know that they are legitimate.

Lisa:   You will understand why I want to take credit away from him in just a minute.

Ed:  That’s right.  I did get these off the Web; so if you have a problem with them, don’t get mad at me.  I’ll give you the website where I got these, and you can talk to the person who wrote these.

Seven things you will never hear from your wife:

“What do you mean today is our anniversary?”

“Can we not talk to each other tonight?  I would rather just watch TV.”

“Oh, this diamond is way too big.”

“Honey, does this outfit make my rear look too small?”

“Don’t stop for directions.  I’m sure you will be able to figure out how to get there.”

“I don’t care if it is on sale.  $300 is just way too much for a designer outfit.”

“Hey, pull my finger.”

Those are seven things you will never hear from your wife.  Moving right along.  We are different.  When God created us, he made that obvious.  When Lisa and I were married about twenty years ago, my father who is also a pastor did the wedding.  He talked about a lot of things, but I only remember one thing that he talked about.  I want to show you what he talked about.  He drew this triangle and he discussed the fact that God is at the apex of the triangle.  Man is on the one side and woman on the other.

He talked about, as a man and a woman grow closer to God, what is going to happen is they get closer to each other.  So the secret is the Lord.  The secret is our relationship with him.  As I draw closer to God, I am going to get closer to Lisa and she will get closer to me in this each other type mentality.

Lisa:  Just to clear things up.  During our wedding ceremony, Ed’s dad did not put up a visual or anything.

Ed:  No, he did not.

Lisa:  He just talked about it.

Ed:  Yes.  If you think about the word and the name “Eve” back in the book of Genesis, the name “Eve,” another definition of it, is “one who stands opposite of.”  So again, when God made men and women, he made them different for a beautiful reason.  We are made in his image.  If you think about the whole chromosome thing, women have the XX chromosome and men have the XY chromosomes.  So even down to the core, we are utterly unique.

But that is not why we are here today just to talk about the differences.  We are here to talk about women and the uniqueness of them.

Lisa:  Right.  Anybody can talk about the differences.  It is so obvious, the differences between men and women.  That’s why I like the visual with the triangle because, yes, we are different.  I have a lot of friends who will talk to me about “How in the world can I relate to my spouse or the opposite sex?”  I think many times we get way caught up in how we are going to relate to people of the opposite sex that we forget the main thing we need to be concerned about is that relationship with God, looking to God.  The closer we get to God, the more clearly we can see how God has wired the opposite sex, men vs. women, and guys can see that about women.  Let your attention be focused mainly on knowing who God is, drawing closer to him and then those things will fall into place more clearly.

I think to see the origin, we need to go to the beginning of time in the book of Genesis, Chapter 2, where God created Eve from the side of Adam.  God said that he created Eve as a helper, and some of you, ladies, may get nervous and panicky about that idea, because, if you are not secure in who God made you to be, that’s threatening.

You may be thinking, “Wait a minute.  Helper?  That means I am just here to take care of, to look after.”

That’s part of it.  But in our society today, the word “helper” has been watered down.  There is much more to that word than we can begin to understand based on today’s definition.  The word “helper” was a word intended to mean “complement.”  As God created man as a unique character with unique qualities, he created woman with unique qualities to complement the man.  Adam had his uniqueness and Eve had her uniqueness.  They were created to complement one another so that glory was brought through that complementary relationship.  That’s what the term “helper” means.  Women are given that context and that foundation.

Ed:  Let’s go ahead and talk about the stamps of a woman.  These stamps are so vital.  We are going to talk about four of them, two today and two next weekend.  I think as you see these stamps, ladies, and especially the men here, we will understand better why women are the way they are, and also women will be freed up to become the kind of women that God desires.

The Stamp of NURTURING

This first stamp is a stamp called the nurturing stamp.  Every woman in this place, I think I can safely say, has this nurturing stamp on her soul, Lisa.  When you think about this whole aspect of the nurturing stamp, and when you think about why in the world do women have this nurturing stamp, all we have to do is think about God.  Because our great God is a nurturing God.

I want to read several sections of Scripture that really illustrate this point.  If you have your Bibles, turn to Isaiah 49:15, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne.  Though she may forget, (God says) I will not forget you.”

What is he saying there?  He is saying simply this.  A mother would never forget the baby at her breast.  A good mother is not going to dis her child.  God is saying, “My nurturing to my children, my love, my compassion, my care for my kids (that means those of us who are in the family of God) is on a deeper level than an earthly mother has for her children.   That’s a wonderful thing to contemplate, the fact that God wants to nurture us and help us and assist us in these great ways, Lisa.

Then I think about Matthew 23:37, here is what Jesus said as he was praying over the great city of Jerusalem, “Oh, Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who killed the prophets and stoned those sent to you.  How often I have longed to gather your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings but you were not willing.”

That is the kind of God we serve.  We serve a nurturing God.  He has made it so obvious that he stamped this character quality on the lives of women.

Lisa:   Exactly.  Women have the ability to see needs, I think, much more clearly than men.  We can see where someone is in need, where someone has a need for nurturing.  We are able to fill that need in ways a guy cannot.  I know that I can be more compassionate about certain situations.  I can be more sympathetic and empathetic to people around me.

As far as how this plays out in even our relationship, I know that even after the services on Saturday evening…

Ed:  A lot of people don’t know this, but we have four identical services.  We have two services on Saturday and then we have two on Sunday.

Lisa:  Just like this.  But the 5:00 service is the first one.  After that service, I may go out in the atrium and go get coffee or something. Ed will either send somebody for me or come get me and say, “Come upstairs because I want to ask you what you thought about the message.”  It’s not because he wants me to give him all these points or anything.  He just wants a feminine point of view.  He likes for me to give my take on it.  Sometimes I will say, “I don’t know, Ed.  Maybe if you said it this way.   Or, when you said this, I felt like you weren’t being very sensitive.”  So, I think it helps.

Ed:  A couple of times you have said, “Don’t tell that story again about us.”

Lisa:  Most of the time, if he is going to tell a very personal illustration about our family, he runs it by us or the kids.

Ed:  I get clearance.

Lisa:  If he is going to talk about the children, he doesn’t just come up here and just say things without permission.

Ed:  But some of this really served our church well.  Whenever we plan messages, or we plan dramas or songs, talk about something in our children’s ministry or our student ministry or singles ministry, we try to have a balance of men and women in the room on our staff.  That gives it a real solid foundation.  If it’s all men or all women, it’s kind of slanted one way or another.

Lisa:  Also, if you look at the ministries here at Fellowship Church, because women have been stamped with this nurturing ability, many of the ministries here at the church are fueled by the energy of women.

Ed:  That’s one of the great things about a large church is the fact that we can be so detailed in our ministries.  We have one ministry, Lisa, called “Hand in Hand” ministry over in our Preschool/Children’s area that actually deals with parents who have lost children or those who are going through difficult times.  Who fuels that?  Do men fuel that?  Are you kidding me?  Women fuel that.  That’s just one example.

Lisa:  The beauty of that is that stamp lived out in our lives.   But there are times that our nurturing can become misdirected.

Ed:  Misdirected.  So maybe what women need here, Lisa, would be a misdirectomy.

Lisa:  That’s not exactly what I was saying.

Ed:  Oh, okay.  That was bad.  I know it was.

Lisa:  Sometimes our nurturing can be misdirected.  God has a perfect plan to utilize the stamp of nurturing in our lives, but when we become misdirected, all of a sudden our time and our energies are Pac-Manned and we are not able to focus on that which God has intended for us to do.

Ed:  So you are saying that, as a women, you can sort of OD on nurturing or nurture in the wrong areas and you miss the most important areas.

Lisa:  Right.  It’s just nurturing out of balance.  I have been guilty of this.  I have to really watch out for it.  Because of that compassion, because of the empathy, and sympathy I have for others, I often see people’s needs and jump to be the first one to take care of that need.  Doing so, I often have missed out on nurturing Ed, LeeBeth, E.J., Laurie and Landra over here.  And God has truly called me to be, in our family, the primary nurturer there.  Yet, all my energy is being spent elsewhere.  I find that as I am taking care of everyone else’s needs, maybe a friend, or somebody in my small group at Bible Study, and all that’s well and good, but if it takes away from that primary focus that God called me to, then it is not good.  I see my kids and Ed down by the wayside and that is not good.

Another way, a pitfall for me, is when I go on I guess you could call it nurturing overload, where I am giving, giving, giving, maybe to the right people and in the right context but without receiving replenishment.  This happens when the kids are saying, “Mom, I need this.  And, Mom, remember you have got to do this.”  All of a sudden, my world starts spinning and I am taking care of everyone’s needs.  Ed communicates his needs very well.  He is a great communicator.  He is a great promoter of his needs.  Ed is the Don King of needs.  He can do it.  I, on the other hand, do not communicate my needs.  I tend to keep it all suppressed and then when I get into that nurturing need depletion zone, watch out because a melt down is about to happen.

Sometimes, I am guilty of not early on saying, “Wait a minute, I’ve got to replenish here,” and talking calmly before the meltdown zone happens and really communicating better my needs.

Other times, it manifests itself as far as being out of focus with our nurturing, when we become overprotective of our children, or overprotective in a relationship where we are very exclusive in holding people in and not allowing a little bit of leeway.

Ed:  Wouldn’t you say to all the single women here, Lisa, I know we have seen this before too, that this nurturing thing can be misdirected and, often times, they can make some serious dating mistakes because of this.

Lisa:  Absolutely.  When a single woman, because of that gift and that stamp of nurturing, finds a very needy man, who because of that nurturing, the foundation of their relationship is on her nurturing his needs, and she feels needed.

Ed:  “I can change him.  I can help him.”  And the guy is going, “Mama, Mama.”

Lisa:  That’s not the right foundation.  That’s totally unhealthy, totally misdirected.  But the great thing is that, while we can talk about all this misdirection in our nurturing, God gives us a clear picture of the remedy.

Ed:  Yes, what is the remedy?  What would you say to the women here, Lisa, about how to understand their nurturing stamp and how to use it properly?  Where does it all begin?

Lisa:  God says, “I can redirect you.”  If any of what I just talked about applies to you, he says he can redirect us.  The first way that he redirects us is by reminding us that he is the source of our nurturing power and he is the one who nurtures us.

Ed:  There is no way that women can understand how to use their nurturing gifts and skills unless they are plugged in regularly to the power of God.

Lisa:  Exactly.  The way that women can do that is by daily spending time with God.  Too often, I will look around at my circumstances when there are a lot of demands being put on me as far as my children, or Ed, or someone else’s needs for my nurturing, and I look around and I blame them saying, “You just demand too much from me.”  But really what has happened is I have lost touch with my replenishment from God.  Perhaps I am not having my quiet time everyday as I should.  But I go to blame other people when really I need to look inward and say, “Wait a minute. How is my vertical relationship with God?”  That is just spending time with him everyday.  I can’t face the day the way he wants me to face it if I don’t take time to read his love letter to me, if I don’t take time to pray and talk to him, and that is just the foundation for my day.

Another way that I become replenished is by taking time away from home and my regular schedule to be by myself.  This is a trip.  For me, it’s about a three-day trip to a bed and breakfast in East Texas.  I love to get away and do that.  When I come back, I am totally recharged.  I go away and make it a point to really pray and ask God to show me some areas in my life that perhaps are not what they should be, to show me some ways that we can improve as a family and work to be closer to him.  I even jot down goals, things that I want to do and I feel like God wants me to do in the next year.  I try to do this once a year and it really is great.  Last year, I didn’t go and I could really tell that was lacking.

So, those are two ways that I replenish.   Some people like to get away with girlfriends, and that’s good too.  But I just really challenge you to take some time to be alone so that God can recharge that battery, because only when we are charged up through him can we meet other people’s needs.

Ed:  So you say the first thing is power, plug into the power source.   What else would you say?

Lisa:  We have to be constantly aware that God has given us the ability to be good stewards of our relationships, to find that balance in relationships.  Because if we are not careful, as we said, our nurturing can become misdirected and we can be giving off nurturing in all these places and not really nurturing where God wants us to be.  We can be saying yes to some good things when we really should be saying no to some good things in order to say yes to the best things.  That’s what God intends for us to do as far as his design for our nurturing in relationships.  You have a great example about relationships related to this.

Ed:  Yes, I think in all of our dealings with women in this whole nurturing thing, I think it is important to look lovingly and strategically and intentionally at your relationships.

There are basically three types of relationships that we all have.  The first kind of relationships that we have are the replenishing, the recharging relationship.  That’s the kind of relationship, Lisa, where we are with maybe a couple and go out to eat, have some coffee, look at our watch and go, “Wow, it’s already midnight.  Unbelievable.”

It’s like our batteries have been recharged.  Our batteries have that juice to really go and that’s good to have replenishing relationships.  We are supposed to.

Another kind of relationship would be called what?

Lisa:  Neutral.  That is the relationship where it is give and take.  You give some, you take some.  There is really no replenishing but there is no great draining either.

Ed:  You need to have those too.  Now, the third type of relationship is a whip.  It’s the draining relationship.  It’s the one where you battery has no juice after being with this person.  You are with them for ten minutes and you are wondering if it’s been ten hours.  There is a danger when these relationships get out of balance.  When you look at the life of Jesus, he had a perfect balance of his relationships, the replenishing and recharging relationships, the neutral relationships and the draining relationships.  What do you see about this, Lisa?

Lisa:  I think women have a tendency like I stated before to fall into this pitfall.  But men do too.  It’s important for men to make sure those relationships are balanced in their lives as well.  But Jesus definitely gave us a great example.  I love what Ed has said many times to me, that I’ve got to be sure my needs are being met before I can meet the needs of others.  I tend to say, “Oh, but we need to do this and I think we should go to that.”  But we just can’t.  Schedules do not permit it.  Jesus did not heal everyone.

Ed:  He didn’t fix everyone.  He didn’t counsel everyone.  Read the Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and see how many times Jesus drew away, how many times he took long walks.  So we need this time.

Lisa:  Even within the disciples.  There were some disciples that provided a more neutral relationship for Jesus and then he had an inner circle in the disciples that provided more of a replenishing relationship to him.  Ultimately, what he did was he always drew away, and usually early in the morning to be alone with his heavenly Father.  That’s a great model for us to learn from.

Ed:  So you are saying some women are trying to do what Jesus did not do.  Fix everybody.

Lisa:  Exactly.

Ed:  You were talking to someone the other day and they were saying, “I spent two hours on the phone talking to her,” and you were like…

Lisa:  That’s a warning sign.  Don’t do that.  It’s difficult.  If you are spending two hours on the phone on any given day with someone who’s a close friend, maybe that’s okay.  But if I spent two hours on the phone talking to someone about their needs and nurturing them, I’m not sure where those two hours would come.  I would have to be saying no to my family.  Just be careful.  Be aware of that.  Because you have to gauge those relationships.  Watch out for someone or some area that is Pac-Manning your time.

Ed:  What you are saying, too, is there could be areas where you use the nurturing gift so much that you miss nurturing the most important areas.

Lisa:  Exactly.  But God has given us the remedy.  Plug into his power source on a daily basis so he can keep us in touch and also to watch and be a good steward over the relationships he has given us and keep them in balance.

The Stamp of SECURITY

Ed:  I am standing up to turn over one more stamp, the second stamp.  This will again be no surprise; but let’s talk about it because it is so vital, the stamp of security.

Lisa, ladies have this one all over their lives.  Security.

“I want security.  I want to know that my future is a lock.”

That’s a great need that women have.  Let’s go back to God.  God is a God of security.  A lot of people don’t realize this, but God is.  That is stamped on his character and that is why it is stamped on a woman’s character too.

Ephesians 1:13-14, great verses.  Let me read them for you.  “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth.”

To become a Christian, you first must hear it.  The Gospel of your salvation, the word “Gospel” simply means good news.  Whenever you hear the word “Gospel” it is good news.

“Having believed,” (that’s the second step, you hear, you believe), “you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,…”

When you see some legal contracts, when they are stamped, that usually means they are finalized.  That usually means the transaction is complete.  Once Jesus Christ comes into our lives, once he places the Holy Spirit there, we are sealed.  The transaction is complete.

It also refers here to ownership.  What did God do to pay for us?  He sent Jesus Christ to spill his blood on the cross for all of our sins.  The transaction has been completed when we ask Christ into our lives and we are owned by him.

Let’s go to Verse 14, “the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.”

This word “deposit” means earnest money.  I want to tell you a quick story about Fellowship Church.  Some of you have heard this and some of you have not heard this.  Our church is 12 years old.  We started the church with about 150 people in a little office complex.  We met in office complexes and fine arts theatres and high schools during the first eight years until we finally built this beautiful facility.

About ten years ago, we got together a group of people in real estate, men and women, who are gifted in this area.  They discovered that the Resolution Trust Corporation was offering 159.2 acres for $2.5 million.  Our church was small yet we scraped up enough money to put a down payment on the property.  We owed on this dirt $1.875 million.  That’s a lot of money.  A year later, without a sign on the property, we sold 22 of the 159 acres for $1.875 million.  Is that unbelievable?  Just like that, we own all this property free and clear.

I’m not a real estate expert, Lisa, but I do know this.  In a real estate transaction, the buyer must put up something called earnest money.  Earnest money guarantees that the contract is going to go solid.  This word “deposit” is earnest money.  Who is our earnest money?  The Holy Spirit of God.  The Holy Spirit is God’s first installment that He will consummate and finish the deal and the deal will be finished in heaven as we live forever with him.

What the Bible is saying is simply this.   God is a God who is into security and, those of us who are in Christ, we are secure.  Once we are born again, we can’t be unborn.  We are in.  That’s it.  Signed, sealed and delivered.

Lisa:  And the problem comes because we as women have this stamp of security and we need security.  But we begin looking to culture for this security instead of looking to God.  If you are feeling insecure, the first thing you need to do is understand who your heavenly Father is and establish that relationship with him.  When you establish that relationship with him, your eternal security is done.

Ed:  We are so serious about this whole security thing in God that I’m doing an entire series on self-esteem.  We will see who we are in the eyes of God, because so many of us struggle with self-esteem issues.

Lisa:  If you are looking for security and your first glance is going to be towards friendships or a relationship with a guy, don’t go there.  Look first to God, because he is the provider of our eternal security.  That is where we start.  That’s the first step.

The second thing we need to understand is that God, not only does he take care of our eternal security, but he also promises to take care of our daily security.

Ed:  Let me read Matthew 6, beginning in Verse 25.  Here is what Jesus said.  I think women deal with worry and anxiety probably a little bit more than men do. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.”  Continuing in Verse 27, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”  Finally, in Verse 31,  “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  for the pagans run after these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.”

God is a God of order.  Too often, we have disorder in our lives, and as we look to God, he is the one who gives us that order and that true security.

Lisa:  Definitely, with the stamp of security on women, we see that women have that need, that tendency toward order.  I am a person of order.  I enjoy things being together, with it planned out.  I don’t function well when things are up in the air.  Sometimes that can be to a fault, and you have to be careful if ever your orderliness takes away flexibility.  There is a balance.  We should always have flexibility.  But I like for things to be in order.  If I start my day and make the bed, that’s the first step toward a clean-living day.  I can tell it’s going to be good.  I move from there to the next spot and I am on my way to an established order.  But I can tell you this.  In a household with a husband, four children, four dogs and four cats, there is not always order.  And I have to live with that fact.  But I am the one who does bring a lot of order to that household.

Women tend to be the thermostat to the household.

Ed:  Wise men will take cues from women in this realm.  Usually when a woman is saying, “This is kind of wild.  This is getting out control.  We are starting to hydroplane,” a man should recognize that this is the thermostat talking.

Lisa:  Your personality tends to be a little more spur of the moment, a little more like, “That sounds like fun.  Let’s go do that.”  And I tend to be, “Wait a minute.  That wasn’t in the plan.”

So he and I have helped each other in that regard.  I have learned to be a little more spontaneous, spur of the moment.

Ed:  I bet you have helped me in that realm more than I have helped you.

Lisa:  Really?

Ed:  Yes.

Lisa:  Are you saying I’m rigid?

Ed:  No, you are not rigid at all.  Not at all.  You have helped me because I have not lived as much by a schedule until you and I got married.  We have a schedule and it has helped my work and play and everything.

Lisa:  Part of that is how you were reared.  Ed grew up in a house where his parents were very organized, but they weren’t as planned out and futuristic in their thinking as my parents.  My dad, when we would go on a family vacation, three months ahead would call AAA, get the maps, highlight them with a yellow highlighter for the street, green one for the hotel.  It was a little bit of overload.

Ed:  Our family was more like the Griswold’s, just out there.  But going back to security, Lisa, we see so many women looking to security and looking for it in wrong areas.  I think oftentimes, women will even give their body sexually in a dead-end relationship just for that need of security.  Or they will be so into looking a certain way, taking their cues from others, that they miss that security from God.

Also, I have a close friend who is a marriage and family therapist, and he told me something profound about women and men.  He said that when a woman in a marriage, for example, has an unmet need, she will begin to control and manipulate.  Men, have you ever seen a women try to control and manipulate?  Don’t answer that.  That happens because there is an unmet need in their life.  He said that most guys are clueless about it and they miss it.  He said a man, for example, will talk about the future with the person he is dating, or, if he is married, with his wife.  Then that meets a woman’s need for security, because the reason she is trying to control and manipulate could be because she has an unmet need in the realm of security.  So, if we will talk about what’s going to happen, and talk about the future and solidify some stuff, all of a sudden wind is in her sail and you can see her just take off.

Lisa:  I always struggle in our relationship when Ed says, “Well, I’m not really sure how we are going to do it, but I’ll let you know later.”

I don’t like that.  But when Ed says, “This is what we are going to do.  I’ve got the plans made.”

I’m thinking that is so great.  It really charges me.

Ed:  Lisa, think about what Jesus said, and I talked about it last week, when he said, “I will never leave you.  I will never forsake you.”  What was he doing?  He was saying, “You are secure in me.  I am never going to turn my back on you.”

Lisa:  And it’s not that I am looking to you for total security.  But God has placed you in my life to provide security.

Ed:  Yes, women mess up when they think a man will give them security.  That is not going to happen.

Lisa:  But God uses you to provide security on a day-to-day basis.

Ed:  Yes, some security men will give, but not the ultimate security.  Lisa, thank you for being up here.

Lisa:  I am totally excited that we are here to celebrate these stamps because, even though we are multifaceted and we are intricate, that’s a cool thing.  And there is so much that God wants to do in us and through us to celebrate this life.

Ed:  These were two stamps.  We are going to talk about two more stamps next week that are huge.