Description
7 SENSES OF MARRIAGE : RECIPE FOR ROMANCE
JANUARY 30, 2022, 9:30AM
ED AND LISA YOUNG
ED YOUNG:
Morning, Fellowship Church. How’s everyone doing? I want to say a big shout out to our Dallas campus with EJ and Jess. Frisco, with Sam and Laurie.
LISA YOUNG:
And Fort Worth with Caleb and Brittany.
ED YOUNG:
Allaso Ranch ad I know we have so many people watching online. We were at a basketball game earlier this week and in fact, we were in Waco, and I was really surprised at how many people came up to us and they were like, we don’t live in the Dallas Fort Worth area, but we watch Fellowship Church all the time online, so that was great.
LISA YOUNG:
That was great.
ED YOUNG:
This is my wife, Lisa, we’ve been married for almost 40 years.
LISA YOUNG:
Just in case you didn’t know. I’m not just some random girl standing up here with Ed.
ED YOUNG:
We’re talking about a subject that is near and dear to everyone here. We like to think about it. We like to sing about it. We like to watch it. We like to read about it and we’re talking about really an aroma, the fragrance, the aroma of romance. That’s what we’re going to talk about today.
Romance. What is romance and how it kind of plays out in marriage and also in this whole dating thing and how to keep the romance alive, at least right up front. Is romance an event? Because I think sometimes because I’m a guy, I tend to compartmentalize things. I’m thinking, “okay, this is my romantic life, and over here is my work life, and over there is my recreational life.”
LISA YOUNG:
I told you this, as we’ve been working and talking about, but preparing for these messages, I said, “Ed, romance is not an event, it’s an environment that we create in our home and in our marriage.” So when we have this, I guess we could say a romance, like aroma.
ED YOUNG:
Oh, that’s brilliant. I love that. A romance.
LISA YOUNG:
A romance. Don’t you want to have an, a romance that it’s-
ED YOUNG:
If there’s an attorney here, we can trademark that.
LISA YOUNG:
That’s trademarking. Aren’t people doing that these days? Trademarking phrases?
LISA YOUNG:
Romance. It permeates every area of your home and so when you think about romance, it’s not an event, it’s an environment, and it relates to scripture.
LISA YOUNG:
In 2 Corinthians 2:15, it says, “For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.” Our lives as Christ followers, those of us who have given our hearts to Christ and as we live each and every day, the way that we live, this lifestyle of obedience, is an aroma to God because of Jesus in our hearts and not only does it speak to God with an aroma, but it also permeates those who are saved. So, my life becomes an encouragement to other Christians and then I also am allowed the opportunity to be noticed by those who are not Christians, and they see something is different. I have to ask myself and I think you should ask yourself, what do I smell like?
ED YOUNG:
Or at least am I stinking up the joint? You know?
LISA YOUNG:
That works too. When it comes to romance between a husband and a wife, we’ve already talked about in our previous sessions, the fact that marriage between a man and a woman is analogous to Jesus, marriage, the bride of Christ, his church. So, this aroma principle affects can be used as you demonstrate in marriage.
ED YOUNG:
It even affects though, this kind of sounds strange, but it’s like romancing the home. In other words, that our romance permeates, obviously our relationship, God wants it to and our relationship with our kids. People are dying, aren’t they Lisa, to understand this and to know about this because we’ve talked about marriage for 32 years, unashamedly, unapologetically. We’ve written a lot about the subject. We even have an updated book coming out in just a couple of weeks and the reason, is marriage is the foundation is the anchor of our culture. So goes marriage, so goes everything. Think about it and God created marriage. He thought it up in the book of Genesis, the first book, the Bible. When someone says, “why get married anyway? Who thought marriage up?” God did. It’s a God ordained covenant which is basically a commitment on steroids.
LISA YOUNG:
That’s right. In 2018, Ed, there was a study done. I’m thinking that once we segue into COVID, a lot of studies got put on the back burner, so I’m reaching back to 2018. 84% of couples lived together versus getting married. That’s saying a lot about cultures view of marriage.
ED YOUNG:
You’re saying of marriage, 84% of couples lived together?
LISA YOUNG:
They were living together and weren’t going to get married. They chose to live together. It shows how the trend of marriage, people don’t understand that.
ED YOUNG:
Obviously, that’s not working, playing house, because divorce rates have skyrocketed.
LISA YOUNG:
Another statistic is this. There is a greater percentage of divorces among those who live together before they get married.
ED YOUNG:
For the guy, it’s the perfect world. Free sex, with no real commitment or responsibilities because once she doesn’t act like I want her, “I’m out.” Some of you are like, “Oh no, you don’t know my man. He loves me for who I am.” You just cut off sex and he’ll bolt in a heartbeat.
LISA YOUNG:
Speaking of sex, what about sex in marriage? Because romance-
ED YOUNG:
I’m for it.
LISA YOUNG:
Romance is connected to intimacy.
ED YOUNG:
I know this troubling for our kids, our adult children to listen to this. We’ve got to talk about it. We have to keep it real because God does.
LISA YOUNG:
Our children, they are such great sports because years ago, I don’t know how many years ago it was when we came out with the book Sexperiment, they were on the front row and having to listen to their mom and dad talk about sex and that is, every child just wants to go, blah, blah, blah. They don’t want to hear that, and they have been such great sports.
So next week, we’re planning on them being on the stage to share with you guys what marriage looks like for them now that they’re grown and married. And how, events like them sitting on the front row while we were talking about sex has affected them or scarred them or whatever. So it’s going to be an interesting week next week.
ED YOUNG:
They’re going to tell stories about our lives, I’m sure. Some great stories and also some stories that maybe-
LISA YOUNG:
We failed at.
ED YOUNG:
Embarrassing and that we can work on but that’s the thing about marriage. Obviously marriage is between a man and a woman. In fact, the first statement about you and me was a sexual statement. It’s a boy. It’s a girl.
LISA YOUNG:
As much as culture wants to change that, it’s still, it’s a boy. It’s a girl. Period.
ED YOUNG:
Amen. That’s it. We believe the best place to hear about romance is in the family and then in the church. Sadly though, we’ve kicked the bed out of church, but we need to put the bed back in church.
LISA YOUNG:
I want to just say right here now though, that romance and sex are not interchangeable words.
ED YOUNG:
Huh.
LISA YOUNG:
One can lead to the other.
ED YOUNG:
What?
LISA YOUNG:
But they’re not the same thing. So romance, we’re going to break that down. And then we’re going to talk about sex.
ED YOUNG:
Romance should be an environment within the relationship. What we’ve done is we’ve unpacked this message around a recipe, a recipe for romance. Lisa is a phenomenal cook. She’s written a couple of cookbooks and a lot of times when you’re cooking, the aroma is great.
LISA YOUNG:
There have been a few times, were not so much.
ED YOUNG:
Sometimes, but not a lot.
LISA YOUNG:
Invariably, if I chop onions, bell peppers, and put a little garlic in and start sauteing, Ed will come in and he’ll go, “Oh, what are you making? What are you making?” Because you cannot keep that contained to the kitchen. It’s going to go throughout the house.
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
LISA YOUNG:
This recipe is not going to be contained. It’s going to spread like wildfire and we’re going to celebrate it.
ED YOUNG:
I know some couples here are really dealing with some difficult issues, about 50% of married couples say that they struggle in the area of intimacy, sex, and romance.
LISA YOUNG:
There’s frustration.
ED YOUNG:
There’s a frustration. Others, Lisa, have totally disengaged and they’re not having any sort of intimacy whatsoever.
LISA YOUNG:
I will say that your marriage could go through highs and lows, and seasons where you are more fulfilled, and seasons where you are less fulfilled. So, let’s talk about the romance.
ED YOUNG:
Well, let me start again with the text and let’s jump to 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 (NIV-1984). It says, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise, the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife.”
We need to think, right, because it’s between the ears before it’s between the legs. It’s north, before it goes south. It’s vertical before it’s horizontal. We’re talking an environment, an aroma of romance, intimacy, and sex.
LISA YOUNG:
Yes, so many times we have a hard time talking about this. Do you feel yourself just kind of getting very quiet?
ED YOUNG:
It got very, very quiet.
LISA YOUNG:
Take a deep breath. As we say all the time is because God’s desire is for husbands and wives to be fulfilled from one another.
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
LISA YOUNG:
It is critical that I understand Ed’s needs and he understands my needs. Communication is a huge part of that. Seeking wise counsel, if you are going through a very frustrating time in your relationship and we’ve talked about that in prior sessions. But what is this recipe? I can’t wait.
ED YOUNG:
This recipe is going to be really specified by introducing you to several personalities. Now, these personalities are going to be sort of funny, I think. You’ll kind of laugh. You’ll see yourself in these personalities.
LISA YOUNG:
Don’t raise your hand or anything. But laughter’s good, because it makes you relax and also laughter helps you receive information that you would not normally receive. No elbowing the person next to you.
ED YOUNG:
No, don’t do that.
LISA YOUNG:
…especially if they’re your spouse. So, when you hear these-
ED YOUNG:
These are RECIPE WRECKERS. It’s possible to wreck a recipe.
LISA YOUNG:
These are some cooks that don’t need to be in the kitchen.
ED YOUNG:
The first one, the first couple Lisa and I named them, Rick and Rhonda Rude. You’re just rude to one another. The guy might just slap his wife on the posterior and say, “It’s time to tango, baby.” You know what I’m saying to you? Like whoa…
LISA YOUNG:
There’s no softness.
ED YOUNG:
There’s no softness in it.
LISA YOUNG:
You’ve mentioned a dog breeder that we had dealt with last week. And how this dog breeder, when she was talking about her dog, she talked so kind and soft. And then when her husband interjected into the conversation, she was just awful in her tone of voice, in the way she talked to him. And I think a lot of us are guilty of giving our spouse just this crassness, this abruptness that we call rude.
ED YOUNG:
When there’s negativity it takes 20 positive comments to erase one negative. We had that talk this week. It’s okay to laugh. We argue. We don’t agree on everything.
LISA YOUNG:
You can guess which one was responsible for the 20 compliments. Just saying.
ED YOUNG:
The next couple, Al and Abby Average. You’ve read the stats. An Average married couple makes love 1.2 times per week.
LISA YOUNG:
I asked Ed, so describe the 0.2 to me. I just can’t picture this.
ED YOUNG:
Al and Abby Average, they’re like, “Okay, we’ve not done it in like eight days. We’ve got to do it. And we sort of keep score, don’t we?” Of that. And that can be romance record.
Then Mark and Mandy Monotony. Oh wow. That’s when the guy, he’s like, “Okay, I dated you. I romanced you back in the day, we’re married now.” He is hung from the rafters, his courting jersey, his dating jersey, his romance jersey. And he’s like, “All right, I got her. And that’s the uniform that I wore when I made magic happen.” But now it’s just like, “Okay, let’s have dinner, watch Netflix. And we’ll make love 1.2 times a week.” Just monotonous. You know what I’m saying to you, ladies? Boring, predictable.
LISA YOUNG:
But we can be guilty of that as well.
ED YOUNG:
That’s true.
LISA YOUNG:
So often, how much time did we take preparing for those dates before we got married. The makeup, making sure we got our workout in so we would feel the best physically. Workouts bring about serotonin, it raises your mood. And so, all of these different things and all of a sudden, it’s like, “I ain’t got time for that.” And we also become monotonous in how we present ourselves and all of those things.
ED YOUNG:
There was a restaurant Lisa and I used to eat at a lot. It was called George’s. And they had a big sign in George’s that read, “If you don’t take your lady to George’s, someone else will.” That’s so true. So, we say, have an affair with your spouse.
LISA YOUNG:
Yes.
ED YOUNG:
Because what happens in marriage is, if you’re not bringing romance and creativity after a while, not in all cases, you will do that with someone else who’s not your spouse. And of course, we have to call in the lawyers and the craziness.
LISA YOUNG:
I believe monotony increases with children. Because you have to have a routine, you have to have planned events with children. But it just means that you have to be more intentional about breaking the monotony for your date night and all of those things.
ED YOUNG:
How about Curtis and Karan Critique? Do we have any critiques here?
LISA YOUNG:
Would it be critique or critical?
ED YOUNG:
Critical.
LISA YOUNG:
Critical. I think critique is, there’s a place for critique in conversation.
ED YOUNG:
Yes. We mentioned that last time a little bit.
LISA YOUNG:
Yes. But criticism is where you’re tearing someone down.
ED YOUNG:
You’re making it personal.
LISA YOUNG:
… and making it personal. And so, my words matter to you and if it’s a constant diet of criticism, or you could say critique, because critique can go overboard if it’s just repetitive. So yes, be careful about how much time you spend critiquing or being critical.
ED YOUNG:
Number five, if you’re keeping count here, Ted and Tina Tired.
LISA YOUNG:
Oh, we’re just so tired.
ED YOUNG:
I’m just tired.
LISA YOUNG:
Honey, I’m just so tired.
ED YOUNG:
Worn out.
LISA YOUNG:
I’m just so tired.
ED YOUNG:
I’m busy.
LISA YOUNG:
Wait a minute, honey, Oh, my sister’s calling. “Hi. How are you doing? Oh, you’re kidding me. That sounds great. Hold on one second and I’ll go get that paper I was promised I was going to read to you.’
ED YOUNG:
And you’ll leave out of bed and sprint and get the paper.
LISA YOUNG:
You have the energy. It’s amazing how much energy, because the phone rang and I was able to pick up the phone, but I was so tired for it. That never happens in our home.
ED YOUNG:
The sixth couple Tom and Tammy Technology. 45% of spouses say that technology is a problem in marriage and 43% of spouses take technology to bed.
LISA YOUNG:
It’s so easy because of the iPad. You read books. I’m an old school page turner. So, I like the actual paper book. Ed reads on his iPad. So, that is tough. But you have to be able to figure out how far we’re going to go with the book and putting the technology away and having a good balance. A lot of people have a basket where you drop your technology in the basket. That’s a great idea. I don’t know what works for you.
ED YOUNG:
We can have technorrhoea. We can have so much… I made that word up. We can have so much technology that makes our entire marriage sick and it’s called technorrhoea. You heard it here. The problem with technology is we’re just staring at a screen and we forget.
LISA YOUNG:
I know. If you’re at a restaurant and look at families and how they sit and their kids are on their phones. They’re on their phone, and I’m like, “Why didn’t you just order takeout? And everybody ate in their room.” It’s really quite sad to see.
ED YOUNG:
Yes. And I would say, Lisa do not… this is just a personal opinion. Do not bring technology to any table when you’re eating with your spouse or with your kids.
LISA YOUNG:
And this is a challenge for us.
ED YOUNG:
It’s challenging.
LISA YOUNG:
Because we’ve been trained. This was not an issue when Ed and I were first married. There was no such thing as a cell phone. Can y’all picture not having a cell phone? We actually drove long distances with the risk of breaking down on the side of the road and not having any way to call somebody. It would just be, God, help us. We’re going to have to figure this out. I’m dead serious. And so, you can eat a meal without technology. It’s possible.
ED YOUNG:
You know what drives me crazy? Again, this is kind of a personal thing. It’s kind of a beef I have with technology, but if I’m having lunch with someone and I just don’t really have lunch with people a lot, I just don’t like to. Anyway, I had lunch with this guy the other day and we sat down, and he puts his phone right by his plate and it’s on. And he was talking to me kind of glance. I’m thinking like, “Man, why are we even having lunch my brother? If you want to talk on the phone, if you’re that important, just leave.” So it’s not mannerly. It’s rude. It takes away from eye contact. And if you have a call that is that important, you shouldn’t have some sort of a lunch. That’s my opinion.
All right. Here’s someone else. Have you ever met the sweatshirt family? Steve and Sara Sweatshirt.
LISA YOUNG:
I will confess, I had this one particular sweatsuit. It was green and it had the zip up hoodie. And I would wear, it was cute. It was like a la… I thought it was cute. And it was a label. It was nice, but I wore it, and I wore it.
ED YOUNG:
I called it your “uniform” one day.
LISA YOUNG:
And he called it my “uniform”.
ED YOUNG:
Lisa, are you going to put your “uniform” on?
LISA YOUNG:
We actually had a friend who said, “Yes, that’s her uniform.” They were friends.
ED YOUNG:
At first when I joked, you didn’t really like it that much, but then you started laughing about it later.
LISA YOUNG:
I started laughing. But the same friend, which I’m not sure why we were friends, but the same friend said that the chairs around our dining room table were very hard. They didn’t have cushions. After he said that my green sweatsuit was a uniform. I took that sweatsuit and I cut it up and I made cushions for our table. And the next time they came for dinner-
ED YOUNG:
Is that good?
LISA YOUNG:
…he sat on one of these green cushions.
ED YOUNG:
That’s why you cannot argue with a woman guys.
LISA YOUNG:
But that’s where you have to not take yourself so seriously and listen to a little bit of feedback and go, “Hmm. Maybe I am wearing that too much.
ED YOUNG:
Here’s what I’ll do in the mornings. I used to get up really early, and I will put on athletic attire. I don’t take a shower. Showers are overrated. I’ll put on athletic attire, walk into my office because I do most of my work at my home office. So, I work and work and work. And then I’m thinking to myself, well, the reason I wear this, and I don’t shave and don’t do my hair, is because I’m going to work out later that day. Well, I look horrible. I know I just don’t look that great. So then finally, I’ll have some lunch or whatever, and then about one or two, I’ll go in and I’ll ride the Peloton. And normally I won’t take a shower after I ride the Peloton.
LISA YOUNG:
He just goes back to the office.
ED YOUNG:
I’ll go back to the office where I walk into our garage, where I used to have a little weight room, but Lisa has taken that over now. I only have a space about that big.
LISA YOUNG:
No, that’s not true.
ED YOUNG:
That’s a little joke, guys. You know how women take over the house and all of a sudden you have a little spot. I have my fishing stuff here, couple of weights. I’m like, “Okay man, nice weight room.” I remember when… that’s really funny. So, anyway, I’m guilty of that. And Lisa suggested to me, like I suggested to you, but she did it in a great way. Like, “Honey, you need to be more presentable. It would help you” She goes, “Sometimes it’s great for you to wear your athletic style outfits, Nike, or whatever it is.
LISA YOUNG:
You know what I did? I equated it to how you perceived me. And that was a word picture. We do well to communicate with word pictures. Do you know what a word picture is? That’s where you use an example that you can envision in your head, and it makes sense. Men especially work well with word pictures. They do.
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
ED YOUNG:
Is this helping everyone?
LISA YOUNG:
I hope so.
ED YOUNG:
Helps me. I love this. Matt and Mary Money. They’re so freaked out about finance, they can’t do any romance because how much does that cost? How much does that cost? How much that cost, how much does that cost? You’ll never be romantic, you’ll never be creative, if the first thing you think about is how much does that cost? It’s not going to happen. I’m all for a budget. The 10/10/80 principle; we give the first 10 to God’s house, we save at least 10, live on rest.
LISA YOUNG:
Romance is creativity. We have found that some of our most creative moments have been founded or created out of restriction. In other words, financial restrictions. Oh, we just don’t have enough money to do this.
ED YOUNG:
Don’t let a limited budget affect your creativity.
LISA YOUNG:
Yes. Because you are able to think more creatively in order to get it done.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. I think the most creative ideas, Lisa, just like you said, are when we’re definitely limited and when you’re not thinking about money so much. That’s when creativity flies. I tell pastors this when I and consult all over the place, I go, “Don’t let your budget limit your creativity.” I think we have a creative advantage when we don’t start with the cash money. But some of the creativity, it does not take money.
LISA YOUNG:
We’d like to introduce you to Ira and Irene Ice.
ED YOUNG:
“You’re cold is ice.” Remember that song? “Willing to sacrifice our love.” Foreigner. No one even knows that. Google real music. Real music.
LISA YOUNG:
Where you just ice one another out. That one leads us a little bit to the next one. But first of all, dealing with ice is just you freeze your spouse out. Again, this is a unit. We are a oneness here because of what God created in our relationship. We are one. And so freezing one another out only does damage to ourselves.
ED YOUNG:
It does. I want to add one. I just thought about another one.
LISA YOUNG:
Okay. I thought we had one more.
ED YOUNG:
No, I’m going to add another one. I’ll call this Greg and Gertrude Greeter. The Greeter’s. You come home. Many of us are happier to see Spot than our spouse.
LISA YOUNG:
Uh-oh.
ED YOUNG:
This is going to be a little bit graphic. We spend so much time and energy at Fellowship Church working with and selecting our greeters. Our greeters are absolutely magnificent. I’m talking, we have the best greeters of any church I’ve ever seen around the world. I’m just going to brag just for a second.
When you greet your spouse, it’s the two second rule. Watch this. You don’t mind if I kiss Lisa, do you? Two seconds. Watch this. Two. Okay. Wow.
LISA YOUNG:
Y’all, that’s so awkward.
ED YOUNG:
No, it’s not. It’s not.
LISA YOUNG:
I mean, it’s not awkward because he’s kissing me; it’s awkward because of where we are right now.
ED YOUNG:
Don’t do this kiss, ladies. Or guys. It’s a real kiss. And I can work on that and do a better job of that, because you know I love dogs and Lisa, you love dogs.
LISA YOUNG:
I don’t kiss them, though.
ED YOUNG:
But we can sometimes give more romantic energy to them.
LISA YOUNG:
Most dog owners are feeling very convicted right now.
ED YOUNG:
This is my favorite, the last. Saved the best for last. Ned and Noana No.
LISA YOUNG:
How many times do you just say “no” to your spouse? No. No.
ED YOUNG:
I got to tell you this story. Dr. Willard Harley, an expert in marriage, in marital relations and complex, tells the story of a husband and wife in a room. There was a table in this room with a big glass of water. Harley writes, the wife was incapacitated. She could not pick up the water and drink it so the husband had to pick up the glass of water for her if she was thirsty to give her the water to drink. One day, as they were standing in this room, the wife goes, “Honey, I’m thirsty.” The husband goes, “I don’t want to give you water right now.” An hour went by. “Honey, I’m really thirsty. I mean, I’m thirsty.” And the husband goes, “With an attitude like that, you’re not going to get water for a long time,” and he spins on his heels and walks out of the room.
Hours and hours go by. The wife now, who can’t drink the water by herself, she is livid. And when she sees her husband again, she goes, “I want water now!” Okay. He takes the water, gives it to his wife and he goes, “Just drink it. Just drink it.” Now, the wife knows, wow, as she’s drinking this water, I’m going to have to go through this same drill again, over and over and over again, just to get water?
Harley goes, I just described to you the sex life of many married couples. You’re the only option. You’re the only romantic option. You’re the only option with intimacy, the only option with sex. And God wants sex to be wonderful and creative and mutually satisfying.
That’s why scripture says, in 1 Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive each other, know your “no’s”, “except perhaps by mutual consent…” Let me say it again. Mutual consent. Mutual consent. “and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” As great a plan as God has for our marriage, and His plan smacks Satan’s every time, the devil has a plan and it’s working in a lot of ways to thwart, to mess up marriages. One of the big ways he does it is through romance. So, you have to know your “no’s”. Now, what does that look like? How do you say no?
LISA YOUNG:
No. No. One minute. Wait, wait, wait.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. How do you say “no” in that way?
LISA YOUNG:
Honey, how would it be if we waited tomorrow?
ED YOUNG:
Okay. Yeah. Tomorrow. That’s cool.
LISA YOUNG:
It’s been a really rough day,
ED YOUNG:
No with an appointment. All right.
LISA YOUNG:
But it’s not, no!
ED YOUNG:
Or no.
LISA YOUNG:
Really? No. It’s also how you present the no. It took me back just a second.
ED YOUNG:
Why?
LISA YOUNG:
I don’t know. I didn’t know you were going to ask the question.
ED YOUNG:
Okay. But that’s a very important thing because we all deal with that situation because rarely are we both in the mood equally.
LISA YOUNG:
There’s no way that, at the same time…
ED YOUNG:
Except special occasions or something. I mean, other than that, you’re not going to be.
LISA YOUNG:
You just said something. You said your spouse is the only option. That sounds negative to me. It is a privilege that you are able to satisfy needs of your spouse.
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
LISA YOUNG:
It is a privilege. That was the weakest clap ever.
ED YOUNG:
Oh, I know. It was sad.
LISA YOUNG:
I’m assuming that there are not many married couples.
ED YOUNG:
That’s what I thought.
LISA YOUNG:
We’re not doing this for the applause. Please understand that. But if you don’t understand that it is a privilege for you to satisfy your spouse sexually, then you’re going to run into the deep weeds very, very quick.
So it’s not about fun and laughter and all that. Of course, we want to soften this message. But I’m just telling you, it’s a privilege. And if you look at your spouse with disdain, disrespect or with some type of low-grade energy, you’re never going to experience marriage the way God wants you to. Never.
ED YOUNG:
That’s the problem of pornography and the problem of social media. As great as social media is, there is a dark, sinister side. We can take our phones, boom, boom, boom, porn. Porn, porn, porn, porn, porn. What people do from TikTok to Facebook, you name it, and then of course, all of the porn sites. No spouse on planet earth can compete with those porn actors and actresses. I’m being nice calling them that, but that’s what they call themselves. We can’t. Pornography ruins marriages. It ruins lives. The reason that so many 20 something men are impotent today is because of porn. So, we’re allowing our culture, we’re sitting at the feet of the enemy himself to teach us about sex, and it’s all counterfeit the way he does compared to the God of the universe who created sex. Let’s learn from the one who created it and let’s understand that it’s part of discipleship because one day we’re going to be held accountable regarding how we served our spouse’s sexual needs. Now when you want to have sexual intercourse, don’t say that. Just say, “Honey, let’s disciple one another.”
LISA YOUNG:
You know what?
ED YOUNG:
The second one … Oh no, no.
LISA YOUNG:
I was just going to say-
ED YOUNG:
That was funny.
LISA YOUNG:
Can we change this up a bit, and do our acrostic on sex? Because I think that’s what we should end with. I think it would be good.
ED YOUNG:
It would be.
LISA YOUNG:
It just makes a nice little transition.
ED YOUNG:
So sex, S-E-X. S.
LISA YOUNG:
Supernatural. God invented it. He established it for one man, one woman in the context of marriage, God invented sex, it’s supernatural.
ED YOUNG:
God invented sex and romance, and Jesus modeled it. His relationship, his intimate relationship with the bride, Jesus the bridegroom, the bride being the church, and couples, number three, desperately need it.
LISA YOUNG:
That’s right. E is Enjoyment. Sex was created for our enjoyment, for pleasure.
ED YOUNG:
It’s not just for procreation that’s not the main thing in sex. The main thing in sex, read it in the book of Genesis, is pleasure, then procreation.
LISA YOUNG:
If sex is not enjoyable for you in the context of marriage, then please seek counsel so that you can overcome those barriers, those things that are causing the enjoyment to be pushed away. And then finally, sex is…
ED YOUNG:
We said it’s Supernatural. It should be Enjoyable.
LISA YOUNG:
God created, not X-rated.
ED YOUNG:
I think I told you the time but let me tell it again when this Porn Star came to Fellowship Church. There was some show that wanted to interview us debating sex. I had written, along with Lisa, this Sexperiment Book, this young lady was a big-time porn star. She sat right there. I sat right there, and the cameras were rolling, and we talked about sex, and she told me why she was a Porn Star. She gave me her thoughts on sex. Then I just simply told her in a nice way what the Bible says about sex, and while I was talking, the Holy Spirit of God just came in and the girl just started weeping, she was totally broken down. She said I’ve never heard this before in my life, on and on and on.
To make a long story very short, as she exited this worship center and hopped in her limousine, we had some ladies from the church here who had walked with them out to the limousine, she turned to her boyfriend, ex-porn star manager and she said, “what if that guy’s right?” I’ve never forgotten that. I just simply said what God says. God is right. God is righteous.
LISA YOUNG:
All the time.
ED YOUNG:
God has the best story. But Lisa, I know we’re in overtime, but let’s just do these last. I can tell, they want to hear just a couple more. I can tell, they’re so excited. They’re so happy. I want to finish it. So, FOLLOW THE RECIPE. Number one, number two, CHECK THE TEMPERATURE. What should the temperature be? I’ll talk quick. In your marriage, 52.2. What? That’s cold. I know it is, but that’s not what I’m talking about. 52.2. There are 52 weeks out of the year. Are you ready for this? Date your spouse once a week. Let me say it again.
LISA YOUNG:
Once a week.
ED YOUNG:
We have a lot of people who aren’t dating. I’m not talking about double-dating, that went out with the junior, senior prom. I’m talking about, date your spouse. It’s a game-changer. It changed the temperature of our marriage. 52.2. All right, so we date our spouse. The goal is-
LISA YOUNG:
We go out of town twice a year.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
LISA YOUNG:
52 weeks in a year, twice a year.
ED YOUNG:
We date our spouse once a week, and then, twice a year, we spend the night away from our kids. You don’t have to spend a squillion dollars. You know my definition of kids: Keeping Intimacy at a Distance Successfully. That’s a fact, Jack. We love our kids, but we still have to have this romance and intimacy while we have kids. Number three.
LISA YOUNG:
CLEAN OUT THE PANTRY. You break that one down.
ED YOUNG:
We have to get the issues on the table. You’ve got to talk about it openly and honestly, about your situation.
Number four, ENJOY THE MEAL. Enjoy marriage, find something, and I’m not talking about sex guys, that you enjoy doing together.
LISA YOUNG:
It creates that environment for romance.
ED YOUNG:
Yes, and some people are like, oh man, I hate my spouse. I mean, I’m telling you, people are like, she’s so boring, he’s so boring. Blah, blah, blah. 1, 2, 3, 4. Well, you used to love each other. Go back to what you used to do together. Are you feeling me?
LISA YOUNG:
Those activities, whatever it might be.
ED YOUNG:
Yes, bring the past…
LISA YOUNG:
… into the present.
ED YOUNG:
See me skipping?
LISA YOUNG:
When you do these things, this recipe, it will create that beautiful aroma, that aroma that not only honors God but shows the world what true marriage is all about.
ED YOUNG:
Lisa, thank you for being here and thank you for being my wife. Thank you for your teaching, miss. She’s an amazing speaker, I’m telling you.
LISA YOUNG:
Thank you for doing this every week without me, sometimes. It’s not easy. This is tough, but it’s so good. It’s so good.
ED YOUNG:
Thank you.
LISA YOUNG:
We’re going to be positive.
ED YOUNG:
Yes, we’re positive. We don’t have to do this. We get to do this.
Thank you so much for being here, and I want to have a word of prayer because this is a heavy subject and these obviously are biblical principles. Let me tell you this, this only happens, what we’re talking about, only happens by the power of the gospel. If you don’t have Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit operative in your life, you can’t do the things or have the things that God wants you to have. If you’re willing to work, I’m telling you, if you’re willing to work, I think 100% of the marriages can flourish. Thank you for being here. Be here next week. It’s going to be fun. I want you to be here for the XO Conference. It’s going to be on a hole notha level. Then, that whole weekend is marriage weekend. One of the experts of experts is going to speak, Jimmy Evans, about marriage on that weekend. We’ve got some awesome, awesome plans.
Father, in the name of Jesus, thank you for this great time we could be here. I thank you for your church. I thank you for every married couple here. I thank you, Lord, just for the opportunity to stand on this stage and talk. I thank you for walking with Lisa and I for these 40 years. I pray God, your blessings over every marriage and future marriage here. You might be on a second marriage. Hey, the best is yet to be in your life, and I pray for this aroma, for this supernatural aroma, as we follow You and live for You, Lord. We ask all these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.
