Description
TEAM FAMILY SERMON SERIES
GOAL TENDING
SETTING YOUR FAMILY STANDARDS
ED YOUNG
APRIL 12, 1998
This is the weekend that we celebrate the core of the Christian faith, the resurrection of Christ. We thought it would be an appropriate time to begin a series of talks on the family. You see the family dynamic prevails during Easter. Jesus Christ’s atoning work on the cross and His conquering death, affords us the opportunity to be a part of His family, to be a member of His team and to wear His uniform.
Now I know some of you are sitting in these comfortable theater seats, perhaps in new outfits, and you are saying to yourself, “He is talking about the family? On Easter? Isn’t that a little bit different? Isn’t that a little bit strange.” Yeah, it is kind of different. But, not only do we want to share with you the historical fact that 2,000 years ago a man named Christ, lived a flawless life, died a sacrificial death and conquered the grave. We also want to share with you the implications of that defining moment. In other words, how does His resurrection play out in your life and mine? Moreover, how does it play out in the most important unit in the universe, the family team? It doesn’t matter if you are a student, a single, a spouse, a parent or a grandparent, all of us are connected to a family unit. When I say the word family you probably think of unity, togetherness and of teamwork.
Over the next several weeks, culminating with Mother’s Day, we are going to parallel the family with athletics. You may think that might be a stretch, but it is not. It is a favorite metaphor scripture writers use to describe our spiritual pilgrimage. They often compared the life of a Christian to the life of an athlete. So this weekend we want to talk to you about Goal Tending. We will parallel basketball with the family. We will talk about the priorities, the core values and the goals that families should tend to. Pretty important stuff.
I want to talk about the family being a team. Recently, my family became so excited about this subject that we did something a little bit crazy. I think that the side screens will explain.
(There followed a short video of the Young family, Ed and Lisa, LeeBeth, EJ, Laurie and Landra sitting on the bench in Reunion Arena, being introduced and playing basketball. The point being –teamwork.)
It only took me about 11 tries to hit that shot, but they were nice enough to edit those out. That video was definitely humorous. But, hold your breath for the following accounting that is far from humorous. With 1 out of 2 marriages ending in divorce, with single parent households increasing 350%, with violent crime up 500% since 1950, with the average child spending 21 hours a week watching television while sharing 5 minutes a day with Dad and 20 minutes a day with Mom, with the major problems in our school systems being that of robbery, rape, assault and suicide, with 90% of Americans feeling that we are falling deeper and deeper into the moral abyss of rebellion, with 60% of us feeling like religion is losing its grip on the culture, the family team, in a real way, is falling apart at the seams. Moms and Dads, and children too, we have got to get this one right. We have got to put this ball through the net.
I want to share with you three goals that every family team should tend to tenaciously. Now before I give you the first goal, which is the most important one, let me say this right up front. I am not giving you this goal to perpetuate the party line or because I want to keep my job as senior pastor of the Fellowship Church. I am sharing this first goal with you because, simply put, it works.
The first goal is Know God, And Make Him Known. A family team’s first priority should be to know God and to make Him known. Every activity in our lives should orbit around this value. You see God is the owner. He is the inventor. He is the initiator of the family team. And at surprisingly young ages, our children fire shot after shot toward us, Moms and Dads. They fire questions. “Why am I here? Where am I going? What is the meaning of life? Is there an eternity?” And wise parents must rebound the shots, must take the questions, and pass them back to the children. And the questions are tough, aren’t they? My sobbing six year old recently looked up at me and after a coyote killed his kitten, asked, “Daddy, will we see Granger in heaven?” Pretty difficult, isn’t it? A shrug of the shoulders, a quizzical look, a pat on the head won’t cut it. We have got to give them answers. We have got to know God and make Him known.
We have got to tell our children and mark them at a very early age. We need to let them know that they are made in the image of God, that they are fashioned in the image of our creative Creator with unique aptitudes and abilities. And they must give their entire selves to the Lord and use those aptitudes and abilities. And once they do that, they will achieve their potential relationally, spiritually and emotionally. It is our task, parents, to do this. We have to know God and make Him known.
And when children discover that they are not accidents, that they are not here by chance or circumstance, it registers profoundly with them. They say, “I matter. I am important. I have a purpose here. I have a place on this team. I have an agenda for this life. I am a much loved person.” Something fantastic happens when we know God and make Him known.
However, we can’t make known somebody that we don’t know. A lot of us know about God, but we don’t know Him. For example, see this man here in the yellow shirt? I don’t know his name. What is your name? Tracy. Let’s say for example that I want to go home and make Tracy known to my family. “Hey, family, you ought to meet Tracy. He is incredible. He has a cool, yellow shirt. The shoes are working.” That won’t do. I don’t know him. How can you make known, parents, someone you don’t know?
I have got some great news for you this Easter. You have been drafted. You have been scouted. You have been watched. Even though you have committed turnover after turnover, sin after sin, even though you have dribbled the ball out of bounds, you have been drafted.
Don’t the contracts that the NBA players are signing blow you away? Over one hundred million dollars to some of these guys. All you have to do is wear a tank top, take a leather ball and put it through an iron rim and you can make millions. But all these contracts, I don’t care if they are five hundred million, are chump change compared to the price that was paid for you. Do you realize that you matter to God so much that He gave His only son to die on the cross for your sins and to rise again? The contract has been drafted. The deal has been done. Your turnovers, mistakes and sins have been taken care of. And now, God simply says, “Here is the contract. You either sign it or you don’t. I can’t make you do it. I can’t force you to do it. I cannot coerce you to do it. It is up to you.” And a lot of people here know a lot about God, think they are on His team but aren’t. The moment you sign up, the moment you sign this contract, a cosmic transaction takes place. All of your guilt, pain and turmoil that you have been carrying around for years is transferred to the shoulders of Christ. And while this is going on, Christ’s righteousness and grace and power and purpose is transferred into your heart and being. And then you know God through Christ. I can only know God through Christ. Today we celebrate His resurrection and that is how we can know Him, through that work that was done. I have been praying like crazy this week, that many of you will sign up, that you will simply say, “I want to do life Your way. I want to know You, God.”
Well, let’s say, for example, that all of us have made that choice, all of us have signed the contract. What do we do now? We know God. How do we make Him known?
This past November, Lisa and I were having dinner with three beautiful young ladies in their early 20s. They loved their parents. They loved God. Each had her unique abilities operative in certain areas of life. I asked them, “Girls, how did your parents do it?” I am always looking for parenting tips. You know we have four children. It is a struggle. It is tough. It is challenging. You know what they said to me? “Our parents loved us. They made many mistakes but they prayed with us. They read the Bible with us. And they took us to church.”
Moms and Dads, do you pray with your children at meal times and bedtimes or any other time? You see, when you pray with your children, they see Mom and Dad are subjecting themselves to a higher authority. That helps them to subject themselves to you. Lisa and I pray with our children. We even share with our children, on their level, what we are going through. Over the last couple of weeks we have been praying for our new church. As a family, we have been praying for people that our children know and that we know who are outside the family of God. We also tell them what happened in our lives on a given day and have them pray with us. Do it, parents. It will help your team. It will change the focus and the course of your career and, also, your season of life together.
Read the Bible. You may say that your children are two years old or three years old and that they can’t pay attention. Go to a Christian bookstore. There are many wonderful books written on their level. Choose a scripture verse and talk about the implications of it. When children see you open the Bible, they think, once again, that there is a greater scheme, there is a greater plan than what Mom and Dad can come up with. They are reading the word of God.
And families, what your children are receiving right now in the Peaceful Kingdom and in Children’s Church is something that you cannot put a price tag on. You can’t do it. Right now, at an age appropriate level, they are discovering and learning the fact that our transcendent God is head over heals in love with them. We put a lot of money, time and energy into teaching and marking and helping our children.
Talk to an NBA player like I did recently. Ask him why he is in the NBA today. Here is what he will say. “As a child, someone taught me the fundamentals of the game.” And as they have grown, they have built on those fundamentals. Hey, the forces out there are so great, so sinister, they are ripping the family apart. We have got to teach our kids, love our kids, build the fundamentals into their lives now so they can build on them as they grow. But, parents, they can’t drive themselves, they can’t see over the steering wheel. You are going to have to bring them here. We have got to revolve all of our activities around this value, if we want to have a great family team.
I believe what the Bible says about heaven and hell. I believe that all of us will spend all of eternity in one of the two places, in heaven, if we sign the contract or in hell, if we say no that we will do life our own way. But I can’t even imagine spending eternity in heaven without my children. I can’t. Know God and make Him known. That is the top priority. Everything else is a back burner issue.
I love what Paul says in Philippians 3:10. “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection.” Is that your agenda? Is that a goal you are tending to tenaciously?
Establish a family game plan is the second goal. I will never forget what happened my freshman year at Florida State University. We made it to the mid-east regionals against the University of Kentucky. I hear they are still pretty good. I knew that I was not going to play. I called my parents, anyway, and said, “Mom and Dad, look for me on the bench and during time outs. I will kind of turn toward the camera and wave.” It was a nationally televised game with Dick Emberg, Billy Packer, all those people. I was really fired up. I thought, this is it. This is major college basketball. We warmed up before the game and then right before the tip off, our coach called all of us together. He huddled us and I thought he would give us the game plan and that it would be phenomenal. Coach knelt down and said, “Here is the game plan. Let’s just go out there and have a good time.” Then he looked up at me and said, “Ed, lead us in a word of prayer, please.” I was the designated prayer, so I lead in the Lord’s prayer. My teammates stuttered and stumbled through it. We broke the huddle and I thought, that’s it? Go out there and have a good time? Well, we had a great time. We got beat by 25. Kentucky loved it.
We wouldn’t think about cooking without a meal plan. We wouldn’t think about flying a plane without a flight plan. Don’t even consider doing the family thing without establishing a family game plan. Game planless families end up losing. They end up getting blown out by 25. And if you look around, that is what is occurring. This family game plan was not invented by Steven Covey, John Trent or Gary Smalley. Three millennia ago, Joshua stepped to the line and said these words to in Joshua 24:15. “…as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Well, I want to give you some homework on this Easter Sunday. I am going to ask you to go home and over the next seven days I want you to establish a family game plan. It sounds easy. It is not. I can say that because our family is in the process of doing it right now. I want you to share with your children what is going on. And even if they can’t write yet, get them to draw pictures of happy experiences that they have had with the family.
This past Wednesday night my family was having dinner together. I wanted to start this family game plan thing. I said, “OK, what is a family all about?” Realize, now, that I had to communicate this to an eleven year old, a six year old and a pair of three and a half year old twins. At first, they gave me a blank look. “Let’s talk about the purpose of the family?” Then my wife, Lisa, interjected, “What if we didn’t have a family? What would it be like if we didn’t have a family?” And the kids answered. “Oh, we wouldn’t have to wear seatbelts.” “Oh, we could stay up all night, watch videos and eat Domino’s Pizza.” And then our eleven year old, LeeBeth, said something profound. “If we didn’t have a family, we wouldn’t have an example.” Wow.
Write your family game plan down in two or three sentences, in a compelling, creative way that everyone can understand. Make it a shared experience and then showcase it. Put it on a plaque. Put it on stationary, T-shirts, ball caps, key chains, coffee mugs, whatever you want to do. Let your creativity run wild. I’ll tell you what will happen. Suddenly your children will say, “We have got unity here. We have got something going on here.” Bonding will take place.
Next weekend I am talking about discipline in the family. That is a tough one. And, singles, don’t turn me off. Let me tell you what those of us who have children say. “Oh, I wish I had known this when I was single. Man, now I have got to catch up real quick, now that I am married and have children.” Singles, don’t miss a session here. I wish I had known this stuff before I got married. Come up with this strategy. Come up with a game plan and discipline becomes easier. When they mess up, you look to the wall, the stationary or the coffee mug and say, “See our game plan. You messed up here. So because you messed up, here are the consequences of your behavior.” And it keeps you, parents, from trying to run some political popularity campaign with your kids. You can always go back to the game plan. Make it a shared experience. Showcase it.
Here is what God did. He challenged His own people with His game plan and gave them this challenge in Deuteronomy 6:8-9. “Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Are you ready to establish a family game plan?
There is a third goal. It will be a little shorter. We will do a lay-up for the last one. Discover each other’s position. Felix Figorol, Lee Cody, Joe Williams, Tommy Terry. Those names speak volumes to me, but to you they mean nothing. I just named some of my former coaches. Let me tell you what separates a great coach from just a good coach. Great coaches can recognize talent and then put the player in the right position to showcase that talent. A great coach can know he has a great player who can really dribble and pass. He will try him out first in one place and then in another until the fit is evident. He builds his strategy around the different talents represented on the team. We are called, families, to do this for all of our team members. Parents are called to do it. And children are called to do it. In other words, we have got to study each other. We have got to know our strengths and our weaknesses and we have got to ask God for discernment like crazy, for wisdom like crazy. We’ve got to allow each other to try things, to experiment with things. We need to applaud those experiments and see what puts wind in each other’s sails. By doing that we will discover each other’s vocational potential, each other’s life mission. When parents are cheering for kids, kids cheering for parents, you have got something beautiful occurring. You have got team chemistry. You have got unity. You have got togetherness. You are tending to this goal tenaciously.
Many moms and dads say they won’t live out their lives, their fantasies, through their children. But it is tempting to do so, isn’t it, parents? Maybe we excelled at something, or didn’t do well in something. Then we say, “OK, you are going to do it better than I did. You are going to do this to a greater degree. You are going to showcase your skills in this position like no one else.” And we try to force them into a mold. We can’t do it. I know it is tempting. Be we must not do it.
A friend of mine, with whom I grew up, was on a retreat with me. He felt God leading him in a real way to do some difference-making work for the Kingdom, to go into full-time ministry. He went home. He was so excited and told his parents about it. They were active church goers. But they said, “What? Ministry? Difference-making for God? Oh, no, no, no. You are going to this college, to this graduate school and you have got to marry a girl from a certain college, brother.” It broke my friend’s heart. But he followed his parent’s prescribed plan for his life, went to the college and graduate school they chose, and married the right girl. And right now he has all the awards and rewards, toys and trinkets of success. But, if you talk to him, you will find out that, down deep he feels he is incarcerated and just doing time. He was a guy who was meant to fly and to slam-dunk but he is playing a slow down game, afraid if he makes one mistake, he will be pulled out of the game. Don’t let that happen in your family. Discover each other’s unique potential and gifts and aptitudes and abilities.
Have you ever noticed the shot clock in basketball? It is always ticking down. The shot clock. We have got a shot clock going on with the family, don’t we? It is ticking. We are only going to have our children for a season. They will only be 11, 6 and 3½ now, and then it is over. I have got to do life, I have got to do the family thing with one eye on the shot clock.
Did you realize that we had three points in this message? We had to have three points because the three-point shot has changed the course of basketball. Now, if you shoot behind a certain line, instead of being awarded two points, you earn three? Teams can come back quicker. They can score more. Families, we have got to shoot the three. We are going to shoot air balls. We will hit it off the back iron now and then. We will throw the ball out of bounds. We will be called for walking. But we have got to shoot the three.
God, game plans and gifts. And our roll, as the Fellowship, as a church, is simply this. When you step behind the three-point line and shoot the shot for the family, we want you to hit nothing but net.